Tuesday, June 5, 2007
BELONGING
I've wanted to write this topic forever….always had it in my mind..Thought about it during my lectures… wrote a few notes on my book. Discussed it with my friends… but somehow I couldn't bring myself to actually grab a pen ((in my case keyboard) and start writing it down. it's hard for me to admit but deep down I'm terrified that I won't be able to express my thoughts or convey what I feel to the reader and the strangest feeling ever keeps haunting me (is maybe I don't have the right to talk about it ,b/c I should know more or care more or…… I'm really confused myself ,I don't want to cause a headache to everyone else***(sorry for the long introduction)))…….but my topic is about the sense of belonging ,that wonderful feeling that overcomes you for a minute(((I said a mint b/c since I don't live in my land I don't get that feeling very often) and to make you feel that you are a valuable member of a community, that you are needed, that u can speak up and voice your emotions to the world and no one can stop you ..Simply b/c you are at your home...your land. Your country.....
I'll have to admit now, that unfortunately, I've never had that feeling before…well maybe only at Somali gatherings every once and a while and even then I feel like a Cinderella ..till midnight I can have the best time ever, I can say whatever I want, I can sing,dance,i can be ME, just me ,I won't have to act polite with any1 I don't like..GOD..!!!i love how Somalis are honest about everything, REALLY, everything shows on their features ,,,and then when
the good time is over, when the sounds of music starts TO fade.. When the laughter of the crowd is no longer hearable, I have to back my bags and go back to my lonely room where I might be treated like a Cinderella by my parents but feel like the maid inside...
To say the least ,,I know I have a major identity crises and I change my mind on a daily((ok maybe weekly…NO monthly ))basis...UHH...i can't (MAKE UP MY MIND)on (HOW OFTEN I CHANGE MY MIND.).That can give you an idea on how I am….I've always heard people say that life is a journey. I've truly understood that recently. Indeed it is a journey,,, and we only one chance in this life to figure out who we are and make peace with the world. ….
(((This topic is far from over ,,I'll try to tackle it from a different way. Next time inshallah …..Till then…:-)
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8 comments:
Aren't those Somali gatherings fabulous? I go to so few now but I always felt like I was home. Sure, we Somalis can be pretty abrupt and loud but dammit, you feel like you're one of them and your shoulders can relax. If it's any consolation, Iman, most people don't belong. We are simply lonely people who cling to the familiar.
lol @ Aya. I guess approaching this topic on another plan seems like. I think people care too much abt what others think of them thus the need to belong. I am glad I shed that skin a while ago. I act the way I feel like and flip the bird the anyone who doesn't seem to appreciate it. On the upside I seem to weed out the real from the unreal and less headaches/heartaches/second guesses for me.
Hopeless dreamer, thanks sister for the insight you gave us (readers) about blogging and your approach to it; your wise words stimulated my creativity and it felt fantastic reading your writings. I look forward to seeing your future articles.
I feel the same as you. I've always wanted that somali connectoin and feeling as if I belonged. I hardly ever see somalis where i live except around the Eids....and those are mostly young children and mothers - pple I can't really relate to.
aya:..yaa.somali gathering are incredible. I just wish if I can go more in the future,,,(((you feel like you're one of them and your shoulders can relax))) that is exactly what i'm talking about..that feeling of belonging!!!
sleepdepraved: u seem to have a great approach in life,i'm afraid i'm guilty of caring about what ppl think sometimes,i can't help it!!
abdinasiir:thanx alot for ur comment and hope u keep reading always.
a rose by another name:
our circumstances are alike wallahi..if not exact ..i've met the first somali girl my age when i went to college, can u believe that..!!!nd thanx for adding my blog:-)
you and i should switch, for as long as i can remember i've been tryin to get away from somali ppl and avoiding them as much as i could. But yea i agree its nice when you're among your people, it just gets a tad too much when you're around them too much ya know..
love your blog!
pucca:: i think(too much)of anything is never good,,in my case i love the company of my ppl b/c i hardly see them at all...maybe if i saw them all the time ,i'll have a different view:-)
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