مشوار الألف ميل يبدأ بخطوة

على أبواب سنة جديدة ,سنة أستطيع أن أقول عنها لأول مرة أنها (باذن الله)قد تكون السنة الأكثر تأثيرا في حياتي سواء العلمية أو الشخصية,أدعو الله أن ييسر لي أمري و يجعلني أستفيد من كل تغيير أمر به سواء أكان للأفضل أو غير ذلك.
لست من السذاجة بحيث أظن أن حياتي سوف تستمر على نفس المنوال إلى أبد الآبدين فكما يقول والدي العزيز (ان الحياة لاتسير هكذا),بل لوعيي الشديد بهذه العبارة أجد نفسي في حالة من الذهول , و أستصعب أن أعيش في اللحظة,فحينما تتذمر رفيقاتي(كما يفعلن دائما)أقوم بمشاركتهم و لكن في داخلي أكاد أجزم إنهم لا يشعرن بالنعم التي تحاط بهم.
مالفرق اذا بيني و بينهم,هل أحس بهذه النعم(أجل)هل أقوم بعمل شيء ما للمحافظة عليها(لا)لم (الله أعلم)
أكاد لا أصدق انني في هذا العمر و لمن امر بتجربة محزنة أو مؤلمة ,هل كنت أعيش في قوقعة.. ربما ,هل مرت بعائلتي أهوال و مصائب ,نعم, كل مامر به أبي أو أمي و أخي و أختي من مشاكل حقيقية ,أحسست بها كأنها وقعت لي أنا شخصيا. لا أدعي الذكاء (والله يشهد) و لكن لم أدع نفسي أقع فريسة لأصدقاء السوء, ولما أسميه بوهم الحب لم أرمي كل شيء على ظهري و أدعي انني ضحية ,كلا بل حاولت أن أقوم بماهو صحيح ,حاولت أن أتبع الطريق القويم و مازلت أحاول.
الغفران كلمة سهلة و لكن تنفيذها صعب (الا على أبي) غفر للكل و ساعد الجميع ,حمل كل شيء على عاتقه و قام بتوفير المستحيل لإسعادنا .
و ماذا نحن قمنا لإسعاده ....القليل ,, القليل
سنة 2008 قد تكون ما نحن بحاجة اليه ,قد تكون هي باذن الله الاستجابة لدعائنا :::::فأتمنى أنشالله أن يحصل التالي:::::
1-تخرجي من الجامعة باذن الله و الحصول على عمل حكومي بعد ذلك بما يقارب الشهران(انشالله)
2-تخرج أحي الذي يكبرني بأعوام من الجامعة(من الخارج) و الحصول على عمل هو الاخر (باذن الله)
3-تكملة أختي لدراستها في التخصص لذي يناسب ميولها و طموحاتها و قرب حصولها على الجنسية .(انشالله)

و احساس والدي أن تعبهما لم يذهب هدرا , و ان ابنائهم و ان ضلو الطريق فانهم لم يضيعوه و هاهم قد وصلو أخيراااا

اللهم اجعل هذه السنة سنة خير و رحمة و مغفرة و هدى و سلام , عل عائلتي و على مجمتعنا و المسلمين أجمعين
امييين

Holiday Blues

My hooyo who can't speak a word of English knows the word (depression)cuz I keep saying I'm depressed.(3a6ol)
My favorite time to get depressed is the (holidays )and (my birthday).weird ha!!!
No not really, holidays always remind me of my boring, miserable life ,and my birthday reminds me of ..(uhh'))The same thing (I guess).

I always feel that I'm living a lie, nobody really knows who I am (including myself).

I want to get excited about things ,but my ability to feel joy n happiness is dead wallahii(i'm not kidding).
For example,the other day my aboo told me was going to buy me a brand new car(THIZ IZ HUGE)specially since i'm not working so i can't really help with the down payment or anything else.
But wallahi i have thiz empty feeling inside ,I'm not either happy nor I'm i sad,i just don't care (my sec fav statement ).
I kept saying (I don't care )billion times a day ,that now (I honestly do not care ABOUT a damn thing ).
This is sick.this is suppose to be a great experience, i'm shouldn't be faking (happiness) like I do now.

I need help!!!!!

Qabil,qabil,qabillllllll,and moree

I keep getting all these mixed up info about qabil from the net and wallahi I'm shocked ,there is Soo MUCH HATE going on behind closed doors ,what confuses me the most is who is to blame for starting this hatred between our youth ,the parents!!!
I don't think SOOO,call me sentimental bt I find it hard to believe that a mother (like my HOOyo)or a father (like ABOO)would do that !!
My parents are not perfect of course ,bt they've never taught us anything about qabil.I really don't know if that's a good thing or not ,b/c now that I'm older I'm SOO hungry for information and I feel this sudden urge to know all there iz to know about my past.
However, since it was quiet difficult for me to comprehend what happened in the past ,I decided to stick to the present ,and see how Fun it is TO KNOW Who I am ,and where I come from, and the Good things about my tribe.
off topic ,I met a girl online a couple of months ago who lives in another country ,and while we were discussing qabil,we were Amazed to know that we both Belong to the same qabil,and REER,so even though I have never met that girl in my life ,she asked her father and he knew my father by name, and my father remembered their family as well, they haven't Met for over 17 years ,HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!

Anyways the reason why I started this topic is, apparently SOO many Ppl hate us ,or maybe I should say kids ,I don't know wallahi I only met them online ,and when I say Hate,I mean HATEEEEE.

I'M trying to find a reasonable, logical reason for their hatred, and wallahi I can't!!
Is it a human nature to hate seeing other folks living happily n in peace?
Is it shaytaan that motivated these ppl to spread the heat,and keep grudges till the end of time ?
As I might've mentioned before ,my parents made a conscious decision Long time ago to limit our encounters with Somalis as much as possible ,we still visit them from time to time ,still go to wedding (not many though),funerals ,social gathering ,and it's only fair to mention that my area(even though it has a considerable amount of
Residents) it is mainly occupied by Kuwaitis, and it
Has only two Somali familys, which we hardly socialize with).
This decision was based on their experience in the past and what happened to my sister a few yrs ago proved their point.(SUM SOMALI GIRLZ bad INFLUENCE)
that with aWith combination of her fascination with this new world
(uni)completely altered the path she was supposed to take in life.

When I went to college ,it was the first time ever that I meet a Somali girl MY age,I got along with sum,I loved others ,I only befriended a couple ,Socaad and Fee couldn't be more different in every way.
One is 2 religious, covers from head to toe, nice and considerate kind of judgmental.
The other one doesn't really care what 2 wear, cabaya, skirt, jeans, she's the type that will tell u 'what I wear doezn't define who I am', very confrontational, with an odd personality ,extremely funny bt gets mad very easily, n supportive at the same time.
I like the rest, most of my girls R SWEET.
THE PROBLEM IS I 'm way 2 scared to let any of my Somali girls IN,simply b/c I lead a double life…..
It's not as bad as it sounds ,bt wat happens is I sometimes leave the house wearing sumthin and change on my way to college ,or go out to malls ,cinema ,restaurants whatever when my parents think I'm at college, first it felt really crazy and wrong.
and I was terrified of getting caught, then after a while I realized that many girls r doing the same(specially going out on our break)it was quiet natural to every1 bt MY family, and about wat I wear it's just wat a normal girl in my age wears, I don't throw my scarf, hook up with guys or skip my lectures like sum do.
When I really think about my life ,I know that I had no choice ,otherwise I would've simply suffocated, my parents are not as clueless as they seem,they KNOW that I go out sometimes they simply luv to pretend that they don't .I'm not sure why, it's just how things are around MY HOUSE……..
I'm a seNIOR at college, I'm stressed, I'm busy, I don't work as much as I should be working, I'm tired ,I feel that I've managed to dhameyay my energy in the past 3 yrz,I really Really want to graduate ,bt in the same time I feel as if I'm not ready to end this chapter of my life.
I often feel that I'm missing something, what is it!! Only Allah knows.
All I can do for now is try to fight the confusion and make the best of the time I have left in my college.