Maturity

Have u ever waken up one day realizing (I'M mature),of course NOT..in order to feel that way u must go through a lot ,being responsible ,being independent ,surviving a heart break or two, being comfortable with who you are and how u live….and much more….
What I'm afraid of is ,what if u have limited experience regarding almost everything, what if you are sheltered u can't even give fill the gas in your car b/c u might get it wrong(Hindi workers do the whole process u only sit In your car but it doesn't matter by papa still thinks I can't handle it), what if u freeze in public but when u gain your composure ,u sound very confident and easy to talk to, what if takes you a while to be at ease around other ppl,but once u finally do u can't ever stop talking…
What if almost every1 around u if obsessed with taking super extra care of themselves but u only sleep, eat and well. sleep some more, what if u stay up at night thinking of new creative ways to lie at your parents just do something soo damn simple like stay late with your friends,,,
And the biggest IF, what if u r a hopeless case, too afraid to take risks ,2 lazy to change your life, does that mean you can never be mature even if you r 30,when I reached 21 ,I felt absolutely nothing, it didn't change how I feel about myself ,I'm not satisfied with how my life is, I have so much I want to change I don't even know where to begin, today I asked my friend ,don't u feel different ,don't u feel older, more mature.. Anything!!!!! , and she just laughed and said .no I like being a kid….and that just hit me. I've been told more than once that I complicate things and no one but(A)took the time to know that I'm a bit complex b/c my life was complicated, soo I can't just wake up and be all cheery and smiley and TAKE IT EASY as some ppl might say, I don't even know where I'm going with this this, college was a huge turning point in my life, I truly hope that entering the work field will shape my character and make me the best I can be or I'm I A HOPELESS DREAMER??.

Cinema

I don’t know why. but I seem to have the worst taste in movies, I sometimes go to a horror movie where my eyes are closed 99% of the time, but I still enjoy my time there(I like the rush)..Or go to movies like spider man3..It's not only silly but plain stupid. No story. No nothing and ugly actors, what the hell was I thinking...
To avoid this I'm thinking about going to c shrek the third next week, I'm not crazy about it but I saw1 and it was ok….
Did I mention I have the worst timing as well, almost every1 I know is busy with (elsummer course or working)) and pllzz don't suggest going at night (like normal ppl do. I can't do that..!!!!!!!7asafa..
I need my monthly dose of movies, seriously I'm obsessed if I didn't go there dunno what will happen to moi...last time when me and my friend were deciding to go to the nearest mall to see a movie we bought the newspaper to c where we'll go and for my surprise we didn't see the dates so this time I stayed in the car and she bought another1..Okk….didn't c nothing there ALSO!!!,,what happened r the movie ppl on a strike or something, then, basically too embarrassed to go again I went there and bought another((2))..Feeling all eyes on me. the cashier mentioned chuckling that I'm buying (wajed wajed jareeda)))(that I'm buying 2 many newspapers )))LOLL, finally we found we wanted and headed 4 sharq,,I AM ADDICTED to movies ..I think I need help..lollll

I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS

On Friday I got a call from my friend tempting me to go IC SKATING with her, my first reaction was of course NO thanx 7abibti ,,I can't skate ,forgetting the fact that (me= lacking ice skating skills GOES WITHOUT SAYING…simply B/C non of my friends knows how 2 skate ..Lollll...This is Kuwait we r talking about we r not big on sports ,I can almost swear that most ppl go there to escape the unbearable heat…((it is cold OVER THERE..soooo very cold)
Anyways she trapped me with guilt saying that I didn't go at a major Somali gathering at her house ,,and the only way to make amends is to go skating or (attempting to skate crossing my fingers and praying not to break my legs))
The event (can I call it that ...dunoo) anyways ,it was organized by the Somali students union in kw ,which I consider myself a part of ,but sadly for many reasons can't represent my college (even though I was asked to )in the meetings ,,I truly believe that these young Somalis (including myself) can close the gap by forgetting our differences (political o tribal )and we r making great example of doing so..
We arrived there in the morning ,saw my dear friend waiting for me, then entered there to meet the rest ,I didn't know all the girls in there but I would luv to get to know(some of them)in the near future inshallah,,,it was no surprise that most ppl there were Brits and Americans ,they can't handle the heat…hehehe…,they were stunned by the scene of more than 15 black girls trying to skate ,but falling ALL THE TIME.. God… girls can be mean ,when some1 falls every1 kept laughing but my heart would skip a beat terrified that they broke their ribs ,,uhhh,,,I no they meant no harm, I'm just way to sensitive ,,I can't forget the american kid under the age of 2 who was learning to skate with his dad..(He was soo cute and soo brave))Made us ashamed of ourselves ,,,loll,,it didn't matter we still had a good time ,,and guess what..they are already planning to go there,,again,soon

Unfortunate accident
Yesterday while I was with my mum after getting back from visiting some relatives I came to find m car between 2 cars ,almost wanting to cry I mentioned to my mum that I failed at this position in my driving test ..I only got my license b/c of my dad's friend who helped me (like every1 else does around here, otherwise u won't ever get your license) anyways I'm an OK driver, I just suck at parking,,ukkh
Trying to get out of the worst alley I've ever seen, I ended up scratching some poor man's car. I still feel so guilty about it. What I really wanted to do was leave a note but my mum won't let me. she wanted us OUT of the scary alley and back to our home as soon as possible., I'm sooo crushed now ,cuz only yest my dad was talking about buying me a new car ,somehow I can't see this happening any time soonn..uhhhhhh

A TRIP TO HARGesia OR A WEDDING AT SAUDIA

While we were sitting around for dinner, my dad casually asked me if I (MUST) take a summer course this yr,,and knowing my dad I instantly knew what he had in mind, but no I wanted it to hear him say it, acting clueless I said ,yes: I do, ,otherwise, I won't be able to graduate in time ..U know that dady(I call him dada or papa not aboo cuz I'm spoiled )loll!!!!!
Anyways my dad then explained how it would be nice to go to hargesia,since I've always nagged in their ears day and night about how badly I want to go and how I have no routs here and how I want to c matho ppl (light or dark) it makes no difference to me)) everywhere, I just love my color :-)
Therefore, my dad assumed I'll jump up and down and agree to the trip in a min or maybe feel more sad b/c I won't be able to go,,well,,I didn't have an of those feelings b/c by now I'm used to having the worst luck on this planet and lately I even refuse to get excited about things (if I ever got excited about anything, it's just not going to happen)from lil things like my friend's mum having an accident (just a thunder binder) the day we were suppose to go out and canceling on me 10 times before that for other reasons or something impo like not being able to go to my land b/c of my stupid summer course, I really thought about delaying it more than once,but the way I c it: I only have one yr left then I can work and make something of my self, I honestly can't handle staying here for another semester, I just can't!!!!!
Well, now my cousin (favorite cousin, I consider him like my own brother, I love his family dearly) is getting married in Saudi this summer, for a whole hour I was thinking about what I'm going to wear, how many dress I should take, my shoes,and makeup, and then my mum dropped a bomb shell on me saying it could be at the end of July, AT THE TIME OF MY FINALS,,!!!!!!
Ok.after freezing for a few mintz,I decided I knew the best way to go,I'll just forget about the wedding all together(bas normally I'll have 2 buy a few things …!!!!!))
It's just that I won't think about it 247,I'll live my life and when the time is near,I could almost guarantee(inshallah)) that it won't be at the time of my finals..just b/c I wasn't over floating with joy waiting for it to HAPPEN ;-)

A job offer

My friend started working this summer at a small office where basically all u do is call ppl at tell them (stopppp using so much water and electricity))some ppl might hung up on u,others might call u names ,and rarely u might even find ppl who will listen to you and take interest in what you are saying. why I'm I talking about her job???,,well she asked me to work there as well,, its 8 hours a day and the pay check is not bad at all,,,,,
I'm really confused at the moment so I made this list of bros and cons
first of all::::
1_i will be able to pay the dentist (for taqwim )
2_ I will feel like I'm doing something useful with my life.
3_i will cut back on watching TV(I've wanted to do this forever, but it never seems to work))
4_i'll get to take the car,,,I just like to drive:-)
5_i might come out of my turtle shell and learn something new.


1_when my summer course starts I'll have to work 8 hours aday+4 hours at college.
2_it'll be super difficult to study for my quizzes and exams.
3_i have anemia …(need to explain)!!
4_we're doing ok,it's not that that soul purpose of working is money .
5_i'm lazy..:(

Ok..this list isn’t helping much ..I still duno what to do??!!

A POEM

Unfulfilled memories, unspoken dreams
Lost in my own misery ...nothing is what it seems
My perfectly polished life is falling apart
Must keep the secrets inside my lonely heart
**********************************
Finding ways to escape is my new struggle
Lies and deception are in my vains
I'm not a stupid toy; I'm sick pf being juggled
By fake players, who can't even remember my name..
*****************************************
Desperately seeking approval, craving for attention
Not being heard, completely filled with tension
I wanted to scream, cry, and mention
That no one but you is worthy of my affection

Warning this poem is not about relationships ,even though it seems like it…plz give me ur feed back

FINALS ARE..oVeR...yayyyyyy

2day was my Last exame for this semester. ..GOD....i'm really glad that it's over …uhhhh…it's crazy be4 entering the exam I was so sick 4 the whole day,went to the hospital at midnight..studiedtill 7:30..i was sick.sleepy..tired in every way,,but now that I have absolutely nothing to do,no where to go.i'm not sick any more and sleeping is that last thing on my mind…I'm actually considering going to college next week and hang with my friends who still have exams..uhh
What happened with me 2day was when I was about to hand my paper , my prof said every1 who gave me their paper got an F….I SWAER..I PANICKED AND FROZE..all I wanted was give her the paper and run for mylife ….but no ..She told me STOP..like she's talking to a girl in the kindergarten ,,,I was like what..!!!!! inshallah mo F2??…WALLAHII..i doubted myself…she checked the paper,saw that I did ok,,and basically told me,,u're free to go… after what..SHE RUINED MY DAY..IHYIHYIHY

BELONGING

I've wanted to write this topic forever….always had it in my mind..Thought about it during my lectures… wrote a few notes on my book. Discussed it with my friends… but somehow I couldn't bring myself to actually grab a pen ((in my case keyboard) and start writing it down. it's hard for me to admit but deep down I'm terrified that I won't be able to express my thoughts or convey what I feel to the reader and the strangest feeling ever keeps haunting me (is maybe I don't have the right to talk about it ,b/c I should know more or care more or…… I'm really confused myself ,I don't want to cause a headache to everyone else***(sorry for the long introduction)))…….but my topic is about the sense of belonging ,that wonderful feeling that overcomes you for a minute(((I said a mint b/c since I don't live in my land I don't get that feeling very often) and to make you feel that you are a valuable member of a community, that you are needed, that u can speak up and voice your emotions to the world and no one can stop you ..Simply b/c you are at your home...your land. Your country.....
I'll have to admit now, that unfortunately, I've never had that feeling before…well maybe only at Somali gatherings every once and a while and even then I feel like a Cinderella ..till midnight I can have the best time ever, I can say whatever I want, I can sing,dance,i can be ME, just me ,I won't have to act polite with any1 I don't like..GOD..!!!i love how Somalis are honest about everything, REALLY, everything shows on their features ,,,and then when
the good time is over, when the sounds of music starts TO fade.. When the laughter of the crowd is no longer hearable, I have to back my bags and go back to my lonely room where I might be treated like a Cinderella by my parents but feel like the maid inside...
To say the least ,,I know I have a major identity crises and I change my mind on a daily((ok maybe weekly…NO monthly ))basis...UHH...i can't (MAKE UP MY MIND)on (HOW OFTEN I CHANGE MY MIND.).That can give you an idea on how I am….I've always heard people say that life is a journey. I've truly understood that recently. Indeed it is a journey,,, and we only one chance in this life to figure out who we are and make peace with the world. ….
(((This topic is far from over ,,I'll try to tackle it from a different way. Next time inshallah …..Till then…:-)