Me,moi,aneja,ana!!!

MY dream job

When ppl normally encounter a small child in the street or in a family gathering, all u can hear iz them saying.. ,HOW cute he iz..Isn't he adorable ,,and soo on…well .I'm not one of those ppl o.k. admit…kids that age (infants)SCARE the hell out of me….older ones, ,,uh the case is similar here, THEY GROSS me out,,,I don't know why(DING DONG,,,maybe cuz I'm the youngest one in the family)anyways ,Tonight ,at the tarawix prayer ,some kid kept on leaning on my black and using me as a Chair,(she was around 2)and wallahi I was so scared I might hurt here or something, I ended up praying a half a mint slower than the rest of the mosaleen.so I can make sure I Won't accidentally ,injure the poor girl (axxx),,,She was SOO tiny!!!!
I'm actually having second thoughts about the 3 yr old girl who was lost and when I tried to help her she screamed at the top of her lungs (Hello…b/c of my color,damn I NEED to c Africa one day ,my self esteem is going down the drains with cadaan ppl around me 247,,,ukh,,,))
Anyways don't worry…some carb came and Surprise Surpise, she amazingly cooperated with them….
Why can't I avoid children altogether, not hard..HA!!!(Wrong……it iz HARD, no let me rephrase that , it's Impossible! I'm training to become,exem exem,A teacher!!!
Meaning, I'll be around lil kids from ages 6-10…ALL the time
Plz..try to make DUcAA for the poor kids who'll be placed under my care
Ps: on a more serious note b/c they scare me so much I ended up complementing them A LOT..(Kids love that) good job. Excellent work. things like that, so seriously I don't think I'll Make a very bad teacher, I honestly believe that I might even learn something new(from carrorta,of course) :-)

A break

Have u ever heard of friends taking a break from each other, well, I didn't , ,I heard ppl in a relationship asking 4 breaks ,not friends and to be to be more specific best friends!!!
The truth is, I'm starting to feel me and BFF r in a different place right now ,she's been through A Lot, She's
already comfortable with who she is ,and the confidence she has in herself is beyond your imagination, while ,I'm practically struggling with all the above,, I know that friends are not suppose to be (twins )and I was ok with that ,I never cared about our differences ,until very recently where she accused me of being ,,I'm having a hard time saying thiz..(Shallow) ..which of course, I'm not!!..ok,so what.. I like watching TV,I happen to find a few actors hot,(big deal!!)I,duno, like to go out,,(things like that)SO khlaa9 I'm shallow,there is more to me than Just that ,for example:I love to read ,I love literature, poems ,old ones sometimes ,I'm always willing to listen to ppl and discuss different matters..SOO I find one topic boring, n yalla I'm Shallow,u no what!? I'm done with this ,I'm through, life is too short to keep things inside, I simply told her ..I need a break, I'll call u when I'm ready, I love this person. I know she means well, but u no what, I don't need U to put me down anymore ,so after I think about it for a while, I'll simply say RESPECT baby RESPECT, no more of your comments ,and 2 tell u the truth, I like who I am now, ,it's not my problem your over mature, One of these days I'll be where u are now, till then ,KEEP ur mouth SHUT and accept who I am or ELSE??!!!!


BELONGING

I keep talking about this topic, I'm not sure why. maybe b/c my father keeps on commenting whenever I asked about a certain qabil (which is something I would've never done a few months ago),or discuss the differences between citizens and residents in kw,,that I'm searching for an identity, a place to call home, where my routs are, I sometimes envy(not often)the Somalis why live in the western world,wallahi not 4 the reasons that most Somali have, a better life ,a chance for a good education ,!!!in my case ,I actually like kw,I wouldn't mind to live here 4 the rest of my life ,bak to my reason.. its quiet simple actually,((Belonging)) ,they have the right to say I'm American ,or as my 11 yr old coz ,who came to visit us from UK used to say whenever we try to keep her inside the house ,I'm Britsh,OVER n over,TILL we shut her up ,with the usual comment…Hey, stop believing yourself ,you r SOMALI…capish!!!!
That precious feeling is missing from my life ,and I often find myself searching for it.,,by trying to know more about who I am, bonding with Somalis ,things like that, its so weird how my brother would tell my dad for EX,that dude is from jebreel aboker but his mum is so and so,oh my God, ,,when he left he was around 22,and I swear I doubt he knew his own qabil,what is that,qabilist?!!! ,OF course not, the poor guy NEVER BEFRIEBDED Somali guys ,or saw any for more than a few hours for that matter, Now,hiz Somali improved (much),and he'll tell ME ii waran walal…HOW cool is that, he found that feeling ,not in his home ,but he found it, I'm so proud(and a bit envious)will I ever feel like that!!!
Inshallah..SAY amin


Ramadan KARIM

Ramadan has finally arrived..marxaba marxaba…for the first days of this holly month, I was at the comfort of own home ,doing (nothing) ,I'm starting this Sunday(they recently changed the holiday from Thursday and Friday to Friday and sat, what the heck,I hate this ,I'll be working/studying in Thursdays .I'm soo not used to this,anyways I just bought a new computer, the old one was crap and I lived with no NET for almost 3 weeks, I'm pleased to say, I SURVIDED,YAY, but to tell u the truth I'm not so sure this new one is great either..alllah yaster…

Moslasal wara mosalsal wara mosalsal
TV IN RAMADAN

This holly month is 4 praying ,for cibada, ,reading quraan, and all that but the TV channels r competing in the amount of mindless,, useless TV series they Can produce every yr,I have a stupid question, since when it's ok to play lesbians and gays in khaleejy series..EWW..what has gone into the araab/khlaeeji world!!!
I'm bored of everything the only thing I only is a comedy show(hatha waladna)fawazir(xalima)and a game show(bela kelma)..only!!!!and yes I almost forgot a Syrian series on Dubai..oh my my,,Syrians R sure cute..hehehe
Ps:of course I watch at least 2 religious shows R we forgetting that THIS iz Ramadan")


Ops ..my bad…

This is what I said today when I took a U turn and neglected to check for the cars coming from my left side N almost CRASHED into a huge truck(THE sound OF PEEEEP ,brought me bak to planet earth).walahi I don't know why I can't keep my emotions and my driving time separate ,I'm not a sucky driver seriously, normally I drive like a normal person, but when I'm mad, or upset like I was 2day,I was driving SOO fast in my quiet lil residential area, what was I thinking…if there iz such a thing like an emotional driver ,then I'm sure one of them…axxx

Maturity

Have u ever waken up one day realizing (I'M mature),of course NOT..in order to feel that way u must go through a lot ,being responsible ,being independent ,surviving a heart break or two, being comfortable with who you are and how u live….and much more….
What I'm afraid of is ,what if u have limited experience regarding almost everything, what if you are sheltered u can't even give fill the gas in your car b/c u might get it wrong(Hindi workers do the whole process u only sit In your car but it doesn't matter by papa still thinks I can't handle it), what if u freeze in public but when u gain your composure ,u sound very confident and easy to talk to, what if takes you a while to be at ease around other ppl,but once u finally do u can't ever stop talking…
What if almost every1 around u if obsessed with taking super extra care of themselves but u only sleep, eat and well. sleep some more, what if u stay up at night thinking of new creative ways to lie at your parents just do something soo damn simple like stay late with your friends,,,
And the biggest IF, what if u r a hopeless case, too afraid to take risks ,2 lazy to change your life, does that mean you can never be mature even if you r 30,when I reached 21 ,I felt absolutely nothing, it didn't change how I feel about myself ,I'm not satisfied with how my life is, I have so much I want to change I don't even know where to begin, today I asked my friend ,don't u feel different ,don't u feel older, more mature.. Anything!!!!! , and she just laughed and said .no I like being a kid….and that just hit me. I've been told more than once that I complicate things and no one but(A)took the time to know that I'm a bit complex b/c my life was complicated, soo I can't just wake up and be all cheery and smiley and TAKE IT EASY as some ppl might say, I don't even know where I'm going with this this, college was a huge turning point in my life, I truly hope that entering the work field will shape my character and make me the best I can be or I'm I A HOPELESS DREAMER??.

Cinema

I don’t know why. but I seem to have the worst taste in movies, I sometimes go to a horror movie where my eyes are closed 99% of the time, but I still enjoy my time there(I like the rush)..Or go to movies like spider man3..It's not only silly but plain stupid. No story. No nothing and ugly actors, what the hell was I thinking...
To avoid this I'm thinking about going to c shrek the third next week, I'm not crazy about it but I saw1 and it was ok….
Did I mention I have the worst timing as well, almost every1 I know is busy with (elsummer course or working)) and pllzz don't suggest going at night (like normal ppl do. I can't do that..!!!!!!!7asafa..
I need my monthly dose of movies, seriously I'm obsessed if I didn't go there dunno what will happen to moi...last time when me and my friend were deciding to go to the nearest mall to see a movie we bought the newspaper to c where we'll go and for my surprise we didn't see the dates so this time I stayed in the car and she bought another1..Okk….didn't c nothing there ALSO!!!,,what happened r the movie ppl on a strike or something, then, basically too embarrassed to go again I went there and bought another((2))..Feeling all eyes on me. the cashier mentioned chuckling that I'm buying (wajed wajed jareeda)))(that I'm buying 2 many newspapers )))LOLL, finally we found we wanted and headed 4 sharq,,I AM ADDICTED to movies ..I think I need help..lollll

BELONGING

I've wanted to write this topic forever….always had it in my mind..Thought about it during my lectures… wrote a few notes on my book. Discussed it with my friends… but somehow I couldn't bring myself to actually grab a pen ((in my case keyboard) and start writing it down. it's hard for me to admit but deep down I'm terrified that I won't be able to express my thoughts or convey what I feel to the reader and the strangest feeling ever keeps haunting me (is maybe I don't have the right to talk about it ,b/c I should know more or care more or…… I'm really confused myself ,I don't want to cause a headache to everyone else***(sorry for the long introduction)))…….but my topic is about the sense of belonging ,that wonderful feeling that overcomes you for a minute(((I said a mint b/c since I don't live in my land I don't get that feeling very often) and to make you feel that you are a valuable member of a community, that you are needed, that u can speak up and voice your emotions to the world and no one can stop you ..Simply b/c you are at your home...your land. Your country.....
I'll have to admit now, that unfortunately, I've never had that feeling before…well maybe only at Somali gatherings every once and a while and even then I feel like a Cinderella ..till midnight I can have the best time ever, I can say whatever I want, I can sing,dance,i can be ME, just me ,I won't have to act polite with any1 I don't like..GOD..!!!i love how Somalis are honest about everything, REALLY, everything shows on their features ,,,and then when
the good time is over, when the sounds of music starts TO fade.. When the laughter of the crowd is no longer hearable, I have to back my bags and go back to my lonely room where I might be treated like a Cinderella by my parents but feel like the maid inside...
To say the least ,,I know I have a major identity crises and I change my mind on a daily((ok maybe weekly…NO monthly ))basis...UHH...i can't (MAKE UP MY MIND)on (HOW OFTEN I CHANGE MY MIND.).That can give you an idea on how I am….I've always heard people say that life is a journey. I've truly understood that recently. Indeed it is a journey,,, and we only one chance in this life to figure out who we are and make peace with the world. ….
(((This topic is far from over ,,I'll try to tackle it from a different way. Next time inshallah …..Till then…:-)

Is It Only Me,,OR?!!!

I often wonder how come every1 else my age knows exactly what they want of life. Who they are .. …and what is unique about them…..
Okk!!maybe not exactly ..but again ..i seriously doubt that there is anyone like me. I often think twice when I'm asked a simple question :.do u agree with ((a))or ((b))I start saying I agree with a and my friend can easily persuade me and I might end up saying b.(((I really wish I can stand my ground and utter my true opinion, but the real issue is ((what is that)).!!!! ohh..on a different occasion I could be stubborn and stick with one opinion that I don’t believe in out of spite ..
Growing up I was very sheltered by my parents. They were (still are)extremely protective and that showed clearly in my personality I became very dependant. .extremely .fragile and naive. I honestly believe that if I haven’t got in into college I would've probably been the same old grill who afraid of everything new and believes every1 she sees…
But NoW.Uhh don’t expect 2 mucch..i'm still a bit sensitive ..naive in some situations but like my best friend ((A)) always tells me ::at least now. I know when I'm being naive or overly sensitive and I try to change that one way or another. this small revelation didn’t come out of the blue but I've been stung by more than one snake who (now I thank very much)and showed that that being me won't help me survive ,,as a result of those experiences I became quiet bitter and sarcastic but I also came to appreciate ppl who have good qualities soo much more than I did before. now I try to find the good in people first but if that didn’t work I try to keep things to myself and act friendly((I'm not the nicest girl in the world with ppl I don’t like but I make a genuine effort to be that way) i know that I have so much to change in me be4 I can be the best I can be and I will keep my faith in Allah that this day will come soon..sooooner than I think(hopefully)