Back from the .........

It's happening ..
It's not a dream anymore .It's not a simple thought that I would push to the back of my mind and refuse to think about because it will probably never happen …
I'm actually, literally, almost there, I can feel, touch it and see it happen in my head.
I'm scared though .I'm not even sure I want it, but one thing I do now is that I can not go on like this. I need something more. I can't say that it's my life long dream but it's interesting, exciting and scary (very very scary ) .
I'm I making any sense, did I confuse yet?
No need for all that …….it's just that I'm finally going to do something different with my life .I'm applying for several master's programs in Canada and inshallah khair …..aMIN

No, I don't love my black students more. It's just that …..
They're perfect, seriously is it my problem that they are nasty with every other teacher but well behaved ,beautiful little angles with me .How can anyone fault me for loving those sweet kids !!!!!!
If every other teacher LOVES blond caddan boys with freckles, why would it be RACIST (Yes ,I've been called that word)for me to say that I like black kids!!!
It's unbelievable!!!!!!

He's just my FRIEND
Nothing more, nothing less. yes I don't have a boyfriend ,yes he doesn't have a girlfriend but still that DOESN'T automatically means that we'll fall madly in love with each other .I'm I being naïve here?
Almost everyone is telling me that something will happen ,things can not go on the way they are now ,they are poisoning my thoughts .I was really proud of myself (doing something new ,taking chances)without crossing the line and doing something I believe in my heart is wrong So I decided to shut my big mouth and stop telling my close friends about him and when I need to tell anyone badly ,I'll choOse someone who won't judge or simply doesn't care that much to analyze everything we said for 2 hours and asks me to read the messages word for word .
Friends can be a nausea sometimes ,,uhhh

Bakooo

I love them anyways
I don’t teach the smartest class, the most behaved one or even the quiet class but I love them anyways.
I love it when Ali says he didn’t get to eat a piece of the cake when his face is covered with chocolate , I love it when Sleman is the first one to tell me (Happy new yr )or (happy valentine ) and he seems really proud of himself when he says it or slamtej Miss ,u were absent yesterday are you ok ?
I loved it when Fahad the quiet student in my class, who I barely hear his voice found a comic book and couldn’t stop laughing ,He has a beautiful smile.
Muhammed is the one I’ll miss the most ,he’s incredible ,he’s not only clever and well behaved he actually cares about his teachers , he has an old soul and talks to me like an equal, he’s sweet and when I make him smile and he becomes shy,that’s when I know I’m doing something right ,because he’s never like that with other teachers.
I love Ahmad and I know he has a crush on me , I try not to encourage it but I’m super nice to him ,I don’t want to hurt his feelings .
I love M’shary ,he’s my lil man ,I can honestly count on him on anything ,he once cut his hand while cutting a cake and he wiped his fingers and said Miss :It doesn’t hurt ,it’s nothing .God ,if it was a girl ,I’m sure she would’ve started crying ,I know I wanted to cry when I saw his blood , boyz are a chore but I love them ANYWAYS

Peace ,once again
I missed this , I missed talking to my dad without feeling like I want to cry ,I don’t know what happened but in the last couple of weeks we kept trying to bate each other and pick on any mistake one of us makes ,if was awful, unbearable .
Maybe because we’re both moody and none of us is willing to compromise or even apologize .Yes ,like father like daughter.
Now ,things are better .At times of crises that’s when we are on our best behavior , W’re nice to each other ,civil and show our love and care for one another , I know I can count on my aboooo :p

Just 4 a minute
I want to pretend for a minute that I’m a different Kind of girl, someone who actually fits in ,who has a normal life and can obsesses about things like:
Where can we go this weekend or bitch and complain about the silliest things imaginable (is this even normal or do I hang out with crazy chicks) loll anyways ….
Why do people get excited about things that will never happen ,God knows I can’t even allow myself to think about the M word bttt still ,2day someone approached me and I was excited .
I mean who wouldn’t, it made me feel pretty, confidant and dreamy (very dreamy).
Ps;Maybe I should add that I honestly don’t want this right nw bt I guess I’m a normal girl after all, complaining about not getting things she doesn’t even want …LOL

Revelations

How can a person change so much and still be the same?
Ever since (I can’t even remember) I had a real issue with growing up. I would always pretend to be older, more sophisticated, and open minded than I actually am.
I worked so hard trying to fit in and I was such a people pleaser (to say I no longer am would that be a lie) but recently I try not to compromise about the things I firmly believe in. I do make a serious effort to be friendly but I’m also always honest and I often speak my mind.
Most people around here smile too much, and laugh about stupid jokes, they will compliment each other about anything and do their best to climb up the ladder by being extra friendly with the administration (in my school).
I don’t know why. Is it because we (me and my siblings) didn’t socialize all that much when we were young (We lived in a remote area). Or maybe is it the Somali nature .I have no idea .But what I do know is, no matter what I do I can’t be fake or even too friendly with my superiors .I can’t be anyone but myself. My mother would always say(Carabta waa lajamelaa)
I can’t change though. I don’t think I want to change this but who knows if life taught me something is that anything can happen.

New …!!

I want to try something different .I want to go Bunjy jumping (even though I’m scared of heights) . I want to drive really fast with really loud music and race in the busy crowded street. I want to meet new people who are different from my friends (my friends and I have so much in common it’s getting boring .loll)
I want to do something. I don’t what it is but I wanna do it anyways .

My boys

I told them that I’ll be taking them to a school trip next week and they got sooo excited ( like you can’t believe )
They r suppose to do an oral fluency presentation (free topic ) and many of them said they’ll write it about me
I wonder what they will say ;p

About my 3ID

New moon
I went to see New Moon during the 3id holiday and let me tell you, the movie was Not a Disappointment at all, The movie theatre was packed with people and yet no one made a peep, the kids were glued to the screen, the teenage girls were crying at some point (no joke) my eyes got a bit teary also but I was obsessed for so long what's their excuse?!
I read the 4 books of course and I knew what will happen in every second and somehow that seemed a bit strange but their performance and the special effects kept my eyes from wondering off the screen, I loved itttt. I can't wait for the next part(Eclipse )..

Brave or reckless
I got tired of waiting for people to fit me into their plans and instead decided to do something different ,I decided to take matters into my own hands and not let other people control me in anyway.
I decided to visit My good friend Zee who lives far away from my house, it takes about an hour t get there and the distance wasn't the problem.
Maybe I should explain something first , my parents specially my dad are very protective of me , I never go anywhere new before he shows me the way himself and then let's me drive while he's sitting next to me so I won't get lost , I know that most fathers protect their daughters the best way they can and yes here it's very natural to be concerned about the girl's safety more than the boy of course. But I don't need to be a genius to know that my dad is the most protective one of all.
I was depressed during the first Day of 3id, I was going through something at home and I felt like I needed to go out, the problem was that either my friends had other plans with their family or they were going in groups (20)girls or more to a movie and the next day dinner in the house of of another friend .Back when I was in college I would always comprise but No More , why?
I hate large gatherings.
I hate to go somewhere knowing people I dislike will be there.
I hate to watch everything I say and worrying how it could reach my parents somehow (Somali mother's network) it's faster than CNN
I'm a private person, I keep a small group of friends who I trust and if some of them betrayed my trust (I give No second chances).
Simply I refuse to do something I'm not comfortable doing, regardless how other's may take it.
So ,back to my story. I made up my mind to go to her house even though I don’t know the way n I was feeling scared as hell .
She tried to help he out a bit through the phone but since her direction skills are no better than mine I decided to try it on my own .
I got lost a couple of times , I took several detours but I made it to her town in under an hour (wow), I was so proud of myself , the real problem started then ,the town was so big and the streets were alike ,so I kept coming back to the same place I started from(going in circles ).I was soo frustrated I decided to stop and ask for directions at a near by grocery store , I was looking for an older man or any woman to help but I was out of luck, SO I took my chances and asked a guy for directions hoping he would be the decent sort not the(I will not let you breath until you give me your number Type),he was kind enough, he showed how to get there then went on his own way .After that I got LOST again , ukh I know I'm hopeless (remove me from the street nww).I stopped my car called my friend asked her to help me out Somehow WHEN I saw the nice guy's car behind me , he was surprised I was still lost and asked me to follow him AGAIN ,finally he stopped (in front of her house)I though he was only showing me the way not take me there TO the house , loll. I WAS EMBARASSED but thankful, and yes he didn't ask for my number or anything ( I don't give that Vibe ) instead he gave me a small tidy bear(which was kind of weird to tell you the truth )He asked for 2KD(as a joke)4 helping me out , I finally said thanxxx and he went on his own way ,not bothering us with anything (so unusual from Kuwaiti guys).
Chivalry is not DEAD ppl……
I took her out , we had a great time and I went back home in one piece ;-)

MOIIIIII

Bak to real lifeeeee

2 weeks ago I received a shipment of novels that I ordered online .I managed to go to work /eat (very quickly )and sleep (only occasionally) while I buried my nose in my novels and I still can't believe I 'm done . I read around a novel each day (400) pages at least and I fooled people into thinking I was paying attention to their conversations ( while I was thinking what about what will happen next in the novel that was secretly tucked under my books.)
I feel strange like something is missing from my life, I'm barely resisting going to the book store and buying some more novels (even though the ones I like are not found in Kw).
The crazy part about this whole thing is =I honestly don't have that much free time so in order to finish reading ,I have to cut back on the things I normally do and of course sleep deprivation would've driven me crazy if I didn't sleep for 16 hours straight last night to make up for an entire week of staying a wake till 4 or 3 am and waking up a couple of hours later to go to work.
I miss my dream world :(

My boys

I'm not sure if I'm handling thing correctly but after a week or two of being the firm/mean/teacher I turn 180 degreez and become so friendly with my boys (if I feel that they're worth the good treatment )n I havE a hard time finding a middle ground (firm & friendly )at the same time. Don't get me wrong during the lesson I don't allow them to talk or interrupt me in anyway, but I don't think that sharing some information with them or answering a few personal questions is that big of a deal, so what if they want to know my age or if they're telling me about what they did yesterday or showing me something their parents brought them as a gift .I'm genuinely interested in every aspect of their life specially the excellent ,well behaved students .I think I like my job :)

Most white ppl are racist

I think I have to accept this fact so every time I find out that more ppl I know are racist I'll stop feeling shocked and get used to it by noww
I was attending a class for one of my colleagues and during the lesson the kids were playing scene using a baby toy and the toy was covered with a blanket when the baby was revealed , it was black and everyone laughed specially after listening to the dialogue :
Oh , what a lovely boy
Yes ,it's brown
It's got big nose
And red lips
Hahaha (very funny)
I was sitting there contemplating 2 actions (1-playing the adult role and ignoring what's happening or leaving the class and giving the teacher a piece of my mind) regardless to say that the coward me choose the first action plan.
I later found out that she meant it as a way to make fun of her black husband (Sooo Shallow)…….

Invisible

Invisible
To be around ppl who can't see you
To talk to someone who won't bother to hear you
To reach out and hold the air
To fall and find there's no one there

To cry alone among a crowd
To walk the lane without a track
To stumble and fall and stay behind
While ppl move on and never turn around



That's my definition of being invisible

MEe

It's over

I still can't believe it. It doesn't make any sense. How can a friendship that lasted 7 yrs end like that, over (nothing )!!!!
A stupid argument, followed by days of silence from both sides , and now it's too late to change anything .
I sometimes wake up thinking , that's the day , the day she's going call , and the hours pass by like seconds and nothing changes.
It's been a month and I'm started to imagine the rest of my life without her, I think I can do it . I mean people lost their family and still survived, so why can't I get over the loss of my best friend after 7 years?!!
Because she wasn't my best friend, she was more like my soul mate, my confidant and more.
Sometimes I think I've dreamt it all, I've sat there building fantasies in the air and believing in things that no one else but me can see !!
If I'm wrong , then why in the worst time of my life , she simply threw our friendship out the way and didn't bother to pick up the phone and wonder how I've been holding up ?? did I make it .I'm I falling apart ??
I've always been a private person and even though I have other friends in my life , she was the one I gave my full attention to .
My mother has this idea that we were never friends in the actual sense of the word , since we mostly talked on the phone (247) and rarely saw each other , I used to disagree with mum , I mean her mother is too protective and won't let her go out alone with me , it's normal , it's not her fault !! Maybe so but still it Hurts knowing that she never cared about me enough to step over her enormous pride and take the first step for ONCE .
It's over , I get it , I accept , I'm not dwelling on it at all since god knows I have enough drama in my life that demands my full and complete attention .
I have no bad feelings towards her . I really don't . I'm still a little confused but I know that we can never go back now . it's too late
I wish u the best girlll , Good luck in your life and good byee.

WHY LIE?

I know ppl lie all the time about stupid stuff , but why lie about your age , why pretend that your younger than me when you're either my age or older . I mean does she think I'm stupid ??
It's really sad . I could understand if u lied about how much money you make , your imaginary boyfriend , or whatever , but your age …SOO SAD
GROW up . oh I forgot you are ALREADY A GROWN UP ..loll

Issues , issues !!

I wish I can write about something fun , like my new expensive phone or the tons of clothes I bought in the last couple of weeks , girls dig that stuff , what's wrong with me ??
I think I have issues . I teach boys and I think I'm started to act like them , even the way I walk , talk , dress , I'm not a girly girl any more …ohhh , let's face it I was a never a girly girl I was a (almost wanna be a goth girl )till my friend pulled me from the dark side and started to put clothes in my shopping bag , that weren't black . I love black Still, but I'm compromising and starting to wear a few grey/white stuff.
i know i know . grey is not exactly red.
Baby steps pplll, maybe one of these you'll even catch me wearing pink .
Ok .On a second though , I WON'T hold my breath if i were you .
I'de stuck with black THANK you very much ;-)