Breaking The Silence

Back from the .........

2010-11-17T11:34:00.000-08:00

It's happening ..
It's not a dream anymore .It's not a simple thought that I would push to the back of my mind and refuse to think about because it will probably never happen …
I'm actually, literally, almost there, I can feel, touch it and see it happen in my head.
I'm scared though .I'm not even sure I want it, but one thing I do now is that I can not go on like this. I need something more. I can't say that it's my life long dream but it's interesting, exciting and scary (very very scary ) .
I'm I making any sense, did I confuse yet?
No need for all that …….it's just that I'm finally going to do something different with my life .I'm applying for several master's programs in Canada and inshallah khair …..aMIN

No, I don't love my black students more. It's just that …..
They're perfect, seriously is it my problem that they are nasty with every other teacher but well behaved ,beautiful little angles with me .How can anyone fault me for loving those sweet kids !!!!!!
If every other teacher LOVES blond caddan boys with freckles, why would it be RACIST (Yes ,I've been called that word)for me to say that I like black kids!!!
It's unbelievable!!!!!!

He's just my FRIEND
Nothing more, nothing less. yes I don't have a boyfriend ,yes he doesn't have a girlfriend but still that DOESN'T automatically means that we'll fall madly in love with each other .I'm I being naïve here?
Almost everyone is telling me that something will happen ,things can not go on the way they are now ,they are poisoning my thoughts .I was really proud of myself (doing something new ,taking chances)without crossing the line and doing something I believe in my heart is wrong So I decided to shut my big mouth and stop telling my close friends about him and when I need to tell anyone badly ,I'll choOse someone who won't judge or simply doesn't care that much to analyze everything we said for 2 hours and asks me to read the messages word for word .
Friends can be a nausea sometimes ,,uhhh

Bakooo

2010-05-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

I love them anyways
I don’t teach the smartest class, the most behaved one or even the quiet class but I love them anyways.
I love it when Ali says he didn’t get to eat a piece of the cake when his face is covered with chocolate , I love it when Sleman is the first one to tell me (Happy new yr )or (happy valentine ) and he seems really proud of himself when he says it or slamtej Miss ,u were absent yesterday are you ok ?
I loved it when Fahad the quiet student in my class, who I barely hear his voice found a comic book and couldn’t stop laughing ,He has a beautiful smile.
Muhammed is the one I’ll miss the most ,he’s incredible ,he’s not only clever and well behaved he actually cares about his teachers , he has an old soul and talks to me like an equal, he’s sweet and when I make him smile and he becomes shy,that’s when I know I’m doing something right ,because he’s never like that with other teachers.
I love Ahmad and I know he has a crush on me , I try not to encourage it but I’m super nice to him ,I don’t want to hurt his feelings .
I love M’shary ,he’s my lil man ,I can honestly count on him on anything ,he once cut his hand while cutting a cake and he wiped his fingers and said Miss :It doesn’t hurt ,it’s nothing .God ,if it was a girl ,I’m sure she would’ve started crying ,I know I wanted to cry when I saw his blood , boyz are a chore but I love them ANYWAYS

Peace ,once again
I missed this , I missed talking to my dad without feeling like I want to cry ,I don’t know what happened but in the last couple of weeks we kept trying to bate each other and pick on any mistake one of us makes ,if was awful, unbearable .
Maybe because we’re both moody and none of us is willing to compromise or even apologize .Yes ,like father like daughter.
Now ,things are better .At times of crises that’s when we are on our best behavior , W’re nice to each other ,civil and show our love and care for one another , I know I can count on my aboooo :p

Just 4 a minute
I want to pretend for a minute that I’m a different Kind of girl, someone who actually fits in ,who has a normal life and can obsesses about things like:
Where can we go this weekend or bitch and complain about the silliest things imaginable (is this even normal or do I hang out with crazy chicks) loll anyways ….
Why do people get excited about things that will never happen ,God knows I can’t even allow myself to think about the M word bttt still ,2day someone approached me and I was excited .
I mean who wouldn’t, it made me feel pretty, confidant and dreamy (very dreamy).
Ps;Maybe I should add that I honestly don’t want this right nw bt I guess I’m a normal girl after all, complaining about not getting things she doesn’t even want …LOL

Revelations

2009-12-30T10:33:00.000-08:00

How can a person change so much and still be the same?
Ever since (I can’t even remember) I had a real issue with growing up. I would always pretend to be older, more sophisticated, and open minded than I actually am.
I worked so hard trying to fit in and I was such a people pleaser (to say I no longer am would that be a lie) but recently I try not to compromise about the things I firmly believe in. I do make a serious effort to be friendly but I’m also always honest and I often speak my mind.
Most people around here smile too much, and laugh about stupid jokes, they will compliment each other about anything and do their best to climb up the ladder by being extra friendly with the administration (in my school).
I don’t know why. Is it because we (me and my siblings) didn’t socialize all that much when we were young (We lived in a remote area). Or maybe is it the Somali nature .I have no idea .But what I do know is, no matter what I do I can’t be fake or even too friendly with my superiors .I can’t be anyone but myself. My mother would always say(Carabta waa lajamelaa)
I can’t change though. I don’t think I want to change this but who knows if life taught me something is that anything can happen.

New …!!

I want to try something different .I want to go Bunjy jumping (even though I’m scared of heights) . I want to drive really fast with really loud music and race in the busy crowded street. I want to meet new people who are different from my friends (my friends and I have so much in common it’s getting boring .loll)
I want to do something. I don’t what it is but I wanna do it anyways .

My boys

I told them that I’ll be taking them to a school trip next week and they got sooo excited ( like you can’t believe )
They r suppose to do an oral fluency presentation (free topic ) and many of them said they’ll write it about me
I wonder what they will say ;p

About my 3ID

2009-11-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

New moon
I went to see New Moon during the 3id holiday and let me tell you, the movie was Not a Disappointment at all, The movie theatre was packed with people and yet no one made a peep, the kids were glued to the screen, the teenage girls were crying at some point (no joke) my eyes got a bit teary also but I was obsessed for so long what's their excuse?!
I read the 4 books of course and I knew what will happen in every second and somehow that seemed a bit strange but their performance and the special effects kept my eyes from wondering off the screen, I loved itttt. I can't wait for the next part(Eclipse )..

Brave or reckless
I got tired of waiting for people to fit me into their plans and instead decided to do something different ,I decided to take matters into my own hands and not let other people control me in anyway.
I decided to visit My good friend Zee who lives far away from my house, it takes about an hour t get there and the distance wasn't the problem.
Maybe I should explain something first , my parents specially my dad are very protective of me , I never go anywhere new before he shows me the way himself and then let's me drive while he's sitting next to me so I won't get lost , I know that most fathers protect their daughters the best way they can and yes here it's very natural to be concerned about the girl's safety more than the boy of course. But I don't need to be a genius to know that my dad is the most protective one of all.
I was depressed during the first Day of 3id, I was going through something at home and I felt like I needed to go out, the problem was that either my friends had other plans with their family or they were going in groups (20)girls or more to a movie and the next day dinner in the house of of another friend .Back when I was in college I would always comprise but No More , why?
I hate large gatherings.
I hate to go somewhere knowing people I dislike will be there.
I hate to watch everything I say and worrying how it could reach my parents somehow (Somali mother's network) it's faster than CNN
I'm a private person, I keep a small group of friends who I trust and if some of them betrayed my trust (I give No second chances).
Simply I refuse to do something I'm not comfortable doing, regardless how other's may take it.
So ,back to my story. I made up my mind to go to her house even though I don’t know the way n I was feeling scared as hell .
She tried to help he out a bit through the phone but since her direction skills are no better than mine I decided to try it on my own .
I got lost a couple of times , I took several detours but I made it to her town in under an hour (wow), I was so proud of myself , the real problem started then ,the town was so big and the streets were alike ,so I kept coming back to the same place I started from(going in circles ).I was soo frustrated I decided to stop and ask for directions at a near by grocery store , I was looking for an older man or any woman to help but I was out of luck, SO I took my chances and asked a guy for directions hoping he would be the decent sort not the(I will not let you breath until you give me your number Type),he was kind enough, he showed how to get there then went on his own way .After that I got LOST again , ukh I know I'm hopeless (remove me from the street nww).I stopped my car called my friend asked her to help me out Somehow WHEN I saw the nice guy's car behind me , he was surprised I was still lost and asked me to follow him AGAIN ,finally he stopped (in front of her house)I though he was only showing me the way not take me there TO the house , loll. I WAS EMBARASSED but thankful, and yes he didn't ask for my number or anything ( I don't give that Vibe ) instead he gave me a small tidy bear(which was kind of weird to tell you the truth )He asked for 2KD(as a joke)4 helping me out , I finally said thanxxx and he went on his own way ,not bothering us with anything (so unusual from Kuwaiti guys).
Chivalry is not DEAD ppl……
I took her out , we had a great time and I went back home in one piece ;-)

MOIIIIII

2009-11-07T02:53:00.000-08:00

Bak to real lifeeeee

2 weeks ago I received a shipment of novels that I ordered online .I managed to go to work /eat (very quickly )and sleep (only occasionally) while I buried my nose in my novels and I still can't believe I 'm done . I read around a novel each day (400) pages at least and I fooled people into thinking I was paying attention to their conversations ( while I was thinking what about what will happen next in the novel that was secretly tucked under my books.)
I feel strange like something is missing from my life, I'm barely resisting going to the book store and buying some more novels (even though the ones I like are not found in Kw).
The crazy part about this whole thing is =I honestly don't have that much free time so in order to finish reading ,I have to cut back on the things I normally do and of course sleep deprivation would've driven me crazy if I didn't sleep for 16 hours straight last night to make up for an entire week of staying a wake till 4 or 3 am and waking up a couple of hours later to go to work.
I miss my dream world :(

My boys

I'm not sure if I'm handling thing correctly but after a week or two of being the firm/mean/teacher I turn 180 degreez and become so friendly with my boys (if I feel that they're worth the good treatment )n I havE a hard time finding a middle ground (firm & friendly )at the same time. Don't get me wrong during the lesson I don't allow them to talk or interrupt me in anyway, but I don't think that sharing some information with them or answering a few personal questions is that big of a deal, so what if they want to know my age or if they're telling me about what they did yesterday or showing me something their parents brought them as a gift .I'm genuinely interested in every aspect of their life specially the excellent ,well behaved students .I think I like my job :)

Most white ppl are racist

I think I have to accept this fact so every time I find out that more ppl I know are racist I'll stop feeling shocked and get used to it by noww
I was attending a class for one of my colleagues and during the lesson the kids were playing scene using a baby toy and the toy was covered with a blanket when the baby was revealed , it was black and everyone laughed specially after listening to the dialogue :
Oh , what a lovely boy
Yes ,it's brown
It's got big nose
And red lips
Hahaha (very funny)
I was sitting there contemplating 2 actions (1-playing the adult role and ignoring what's happening or leaving the class and giving the teacher a piece of my mind) regardless to say that the coward me choose the first action plan.
I later found out that she meant it as a way to make fun of her black husband (Sooo Shallow)…….

Invisible

2009-08-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

Invisible
To be around ppl who can't see you
To talk to someone who won't bother to hear you
To reach out and hold the air
To fall and find there's no one there

To cry alone among a crowd
To walk the lane without a track
To stumble and fall and stay behind
While ppl move on and never turn around

That's my definition of being invisible

MEe

2009-08-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's over

I still can't believe it. It doesn't make any sense. How can a friendship that lasted 7 yrs end like that, over (nothing )!!!!
A stupid argument, followed by days of silence from both sides , and now it's too late to change anything .
I sometimes wake up thinking , that's the day , the day she's going call , and the hours pass by like seconds and nothing changes.
It's been a month and I'm started to imagine the rest of my life without her, I think I can do it . I mean people lost their family and still survived, so why can't I get over the loss of my best friend after 7 years?!!
Because she wasn't my best friend, she was more like my soul mate, my confidant and more.
Sometimes I think I've dreamt it all, I've sat there building fantasies in the air and believing in things that no one else but me can see !!
If I'm wrong , then why in the worst time of my life , she simply threw our friendship out the way and didn't bother to pick up the phone and wonder how I've been holding up ?? did I make it .I'm I falling apart ??
I've always been a private person and even though I have other friends in my life , she was the one I gave my full attention to .
My mother has this idea that we were never friends in the actual sense of the word , since we mostly talked on the phone (247) and rarely saw each other , I used to disagree with mum , I mean her mother is too protective and won't let her go out alone with me , it's normal , it's not her fault !! Maybe so but still it Hurts knowing that she never cared about me enough to step over her enormous pride and take the first step for ONCE .
It's over , I get it , I accept , I'm not dwelling on it at all since god knows I have enough drama in my life that demands my full and complete attention .
I have no bad feelings towards her . I really don't . I'm still a little confused but I know that we can never go back now . it's too late
I wish u the best girlll , Good luck in your life and good byee.

WHY LIE?

I know ppl lie all the time about stupid stuff , but why lie about your age , why pretend that your younger than me when you're either my age or older . I mean does she think I'm stupid ??
It's really sad . I could understand if u lied about how much money you make , your imaginary boyfriend , or whatever , but your age …SOO SAD
GROW up . oh I forgot you are ALREADY A GROWN UP ..loll

Issues , issues !!

I wish I can write about something fun , like my new expensive phone or the tons of clothes I bought in the last couple of weeks , girls dig that stuff , what's wrong with me ??
I think I have issues . I teach boys and I think I'm started to act like them , even the way I walk , talk , dress , I'm not a girly girl any more …ohhh , let's face it I was a never a girly girl I was a (almost wanna be a goth girl )till my friend pulled me from the dark side and started to put clothes in my shopping bag , that weren't black . I love black Still, but I'm compromising and starting to wear a few grey/white stuff.
i know i know . grey is not exactly red.
Baby steps pplll, maybe one of these you'll even catch me wearing pink .
Ok .On a second though , I WON'T hold my breath if i were you .
I'de stuck with black THANK you very much ;-)

Break the CHIP!!

2009-02-23T11:42:00.001-08:00

It's been forever since I wrote anything here and I miss it. I miss feeling young and carefree .I can't believe how much I've changed in one year. specially in the last couple of months ... So ...
WHAT'S NEW?

MY JOB
I Started working last Sept and it's been a roller coaster ride .I had my ups and downs. Kids made me cry .then bought me flowers .made me scream then made me Laugh. I honestly don't know what will happen from day to day so I try to do my best and see what will happen .

Money
I think it' kind of bad taste to talk about money. But who cares that's what we girls do all the time. It's SOO nice to buy 5 pieces of clothes and not even look at the price tag, why bother. I can afford it ;- )

The chip
I'm a coward. I really am. So instead of telling someone I can't see him anymore I called my girls and we'll get together tomorrow after work to break the semi-card, and buy a new one. I hate confrontations!!!

The new me
No braces ,no bushy eyebrows, new Hot wardrobe ,,,Change is GOOD :- )

Me, moving to Canada !!!!!!!!!

2008-07-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

Ok ,it's just an idea and it probably won't happen anytime soon and yes I defiantly need to work and save some money bt still the idea scares the hell out of me.u don’t know me ppl.i love routine .I've always hated the first day of skool,first day of a new semester in college. I love things to stay the same. I hate change.bt now that I'm a couple of months away from starting my new job. I'm starting to feel like I should have some sort of plan for the rest of my life. Is it too soon .maybe!! But still now that I'm the only one left at home with mumy n dady I'm starting to feel that the idea of them both settling back in hargaisa in a couple of yrz is getting closer(n they often remind me of that fact, specially abo)
I'm a typical Somali, my cousins live all over the world, my siblings live in Europe, north America and Asia. I was born n raised here and for some reason despite the weather (unbearably HOTT)and the treatment (it could be really unfair sometimes)I'm still ok with it. I'm not one those who think the gates of happiness will open up the moment you step foot in America, Canada, UK or any other country. I'm realistic. I believe you have to work to take what you deserve and I love it here b/c despite some minor set backs I really didn't work that hard so in comparison to others my life was relatively easy (so far).
And yes I forgot to add ,my Sis keeps telling me that Canada is toooooooo cold ,I'm not sure I can managee there…….

Uh..i guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens cuz u never know maybe someone will come out of nowhere n propose .(As iffffff)lolllllll

Ps:I would love to get my MA is modern or children's literature .bt ppl keep telling me that there is no future in literature n that linguistics is the way to go. I love translation also…uh I'm confused. I'm sure that in a yr or so I'll know more about this ,,khair inshallah

What is up with girls and their pity jealousy?????!!!!!

Sometimes it doesn't matter what u did n where u went ,n how much fun it was, they always try to make you feel as if it's nothing or try t compete with u on something soo stupid or find something wrong with everything u've done ….
I gave up trying to understand them a long time ago, I decided to stay away n just keep a very small group of friends..
The sad part is when you're close friend catches the bug and tries to put u down(unintentionally maybe, I duno)that's why I find it soo refreshing to have someone in my life like Zee who I know wishes me the very best no matter what happens in my life ...miss u 7OBY
Note to moi: Mimi don't let anyone get to you.OKKKKK ;-) macc

3an miii

2008-06-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Mabrouk to moiiiii

I finally graduated ,4 yrs of hanging with my friends ,skipping lectures and dropping courses are finally Overrrrr…wow what a relieve !!!

My practical course was

HELLL…Foe the first time EVER I had to work. I mean REALLY work. planning lessons ,buying stuff for the kids, planning projects and paying a daily visit to the mall to get inspired by some new activities or new games .9 credits is no joke ppl. ALL my hard work paid off and I got an A (Smile)

Why keberka ppl?

A friend of mine who used to think that she's too good to teach, n
often bragged about how her college s soo modern n mine aint is apparently going .ixem ixem become a teacher herself. I think it finally sunk in that we're both B.A. holders.lolllllll

Changeeeeeeeeee!!

2008-03-29T08:11:00.000-07:00

3weeks ago, I thought that my life changed ,that I've suddenly turned into a new person(a better one for that matter).I was so busy I stopped watching TV(for a TV addict ,this iz a major change).I barely had time to breath, think or talk to my family.
3weeks later, here I am. The same old girl. Still feeling that nothing changed. Yes I do have more responsibilities now and have cut down on many things during the week .but I still feel that nothing changed. Where I'm I getting this feeling from??(Routine).it's amazing how quick I've settled into my new job, yes I hate some ppl there n I've made almost no friends(one or 2 doesn't count when u work with dozens of WOMEN..bt still I don't think I've made enemies(yet).I'm not too friendly. I can't be fake(I'm Somali, I can't help it :-/) I'm really honest and quiet nice once you get to know me bt till then ..I like to keep to myself and hope to make a good impression on my superiors.
I'm still in a training process so I won't get paid until I work there 4 at least 6 months. I can bear that I think. But it bothers how some ppl assume that just b/c I'm a trainee they have the right to walk all over me. Well guess again ya xabiby!!!!!

WAAN WAYNADAY!!

2008-02-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

I'm a big girl

……..So I turned 22 last week and I feel GREAT. Never did I imagine in a million yr that I'll ever experience a HAPPY birthday. Lol

normally,i sit in my room all alone feeling completely miserable thinking about how I didn't change one bit from how i was the yr before. But thiz yr i did change(or i think so) ..woww..Finally I'm starting to feel that my life is on track.

Do not judge plz

I'm sick and tired of my Ppl judging me when they find out what my JOB iz.i'm sorry that I didn't choose to become a nurse like the 1000 girl I know(mashallah I admire how brave they r dealing with blood n all that).n maybe my job is hard and under paid n maybe I didn't exactly Choose it(I got a scholarship).but still, I learned to accept it and I'm trying to stay positive b/c when I start working next Week inshallah.i'm planning TO LOVE IT .OK

I do not need a boyfriend

I don't. I'm happy being by myself and I don't plan on getting one anytime soon. I'm happily single. (Ill keep saying that over n over b/c maybe then I'll start believing it.)Loll
On a more serious note .I went out with a couple of girls the other day and they made me feel like a saint. One was fishing for the most allegeable bachelor to pay her BILLS. but no luck since she has dated most of the guyz in the mall. The other one was married who befriended a 19 yr old who's desperately in love with her to raise her selfestam.THESE ppl are not my friends and I'm not sure I want to be seen with them again. God knows ppl might start thinking I'm one of them.but honestly after the whole ordeal that
they made me go through with every jerk,loser following us the entire time (on foot and in my car).i honestly thought I'm cured.i mean who would want to be with any of those jerks .but on my way homeI stopped at the grocery store and saw a 6 feet tall guy
(love tall guys, I'm tall myself)black (his skin is the exact shade of my favorite chocolate bar .yumy)

who is driving a BLACK HUMMER(my favorite car, I literally
get dizzy when I see that car.I'M NOT KIDDING.)
And bam I'm back to singing my favorite SONG ..I don't…..BLA BLA BLA

I'm I overreacting ….?!!

2008-02-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

My best friend and I just had a heated discussion about and I quote ' my obsession' of my new car while I only see it as a normal thing…
For a while I've been driving my old sister/brother's car that belonged to my dad at some point.
MEANING...IT WAS AN OLD CAR and it didn't look very well on the outside either.
On the other hand, My new car is a brand new model and it's really nice it's no lancer or corolla 'Somalis favorite cars' .it's way more expensive and it was my father's graduation present for me. No one has ever given me a gift like that .I've only had it for less than two weeks, and the fear of getting into an accident and trashing my car never leaves me 4 one mint. The problem is my friend asked if I could give her a ride somewhere (to a really crowded place)of course I panicked and said I really don't think I can do it .then I thought about it for a mint and figured that it won't that crowded in the morning but the fact that I've never been there by myself scares me ,and even though that she knows how to get there .I had nightmares of her showing me the way and me maybe misinterpreting something she said and causing an accident .I don't know. I just don't take directions too well while driving (my mum started this whole irrational fair by saying: weren't we suppose to go there (WHEN WE PASS THE DAMN EXIT)UKH
Anyways I told my friend that I'm really not sure about this and then she freaked me out by saying how ppl CAN CRASH INTO MY CAR or scratch it or whatever when I'm not around and I should take it easy or whatever .anyways I had a (A PANICK ATTACK )I 'm not kidding. I couldn't breath 4 a mint and I couldn't believe HOW could she could scare me like this .I'm already scared and I don't NEED anyone to make me feel even worse .I love my friend ,she used to understand me better than ANYONE BT I'M SCARED NOW SHE thinks I'm rubbing this in her face(me having a car while she can't have one right now).I don't want to be the 'drama queen' or be overprotective bt I honestly don't think it's my fault.
I'M HAVING THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. I loveeee my car. I love going out and racing with my friends, hanging and all that .even going to the supermarket is more fun b/c of my new ride. just b/c I don't WANT someone with dirty feet to get into my car or just b/c I'm scared of going to new places doez NOT make me a weirdo.doez it?

Age is just a number

2008-01-04T05:31:00.000-08:00

I remember being 13 and looking up to my sister in university as a heavenly creature. In my eyes she could do no wrong and she knew everything.
I was very proud of her. Later on it turned out she is just a human. She made mistakes, regretted them.
And tried to put her life back together.
This seems like a billion years ago. Somehow I thought that being older will feel different. I'll know everything (or at least think I do).I'll be more confidant and I'll trust my decisions. That didn't happen.
On the contrary, I often feel like the same old girl. And I don't appreciate ppl looking at me as an adult. Or a child. I'm neither. No matter how old I get. It seems as if I'm always in an awkward age.
Its funny how last year, I was just another girl who is not the least bit interested in marriage and no one would even mention that word to me. At that time, I was considered too young to let such matters distract me.
All of a sudden, things started to change, Ppl stated to pray (make dua)
That I find a good Man .others stated to wonder if I'm available or not. My cousin started to emphasize on the importance of me learning how to cook. ect
When I was younger, I took comfort in the fact that most Somali girls who are a few yerz older than me were all single. I would tell my Arab friends "Somalis are not like you guys, we don't feel like sum poor spinsters the moment we hit 19 or 20"
But in the past few years, things started to change. Now, it is considered very normal for girls to get married at any age (20-23-29-35).it is all about your naseeb (fate).
I just feel that (over night) I'm a big girl, old enough to obsess about marriage (even though Allah knows I'm not even thinking about it).how could I ??
When I don't feel like a day older than my 18 birthday.

مشوار الألف ميل يبدأ بخطوة

2007-12-22T17:08:00.000-08:00

على أبواب سنة جديدة ,سنة أستطيع أن أقول عنها لأول مرة أنها (باذن الله)قد تكون السنة الأكثر تأثيرا في حياتي سواء العلمية أو الشخصية,أدعو الله أن ييسر لي أمري و يجعلني أستفيد من كل تغيير أمر به سواء أكان للأفضل أو غير ذلك.
لست من السذاجة بحيث أظن أن حياتي سوف تستمر على نفس المنوال إلى أبد الآبدين فكما يقول والدي العزيز (ان الحياة لاتسير هكذا),بل لوعيي الشديد بهذه العبارة أجد نفسي في حالة من الذهول , و أستصعب أن أعيش في اللحظة,فحينما تتذمر رفيقاتي(كما يفعلن دائما)أقوم بمشاركتهم و لكن في داخلي أكاد أجزم إنهم لا يشعرن بالنعم التي تحاط بهم.
مالفرق اذا بيني و بينهم,هل أحس بهذه النعم(أجل)هل أقوم بعمل شيء ما للمحافظة عليها(لا)لم (الله أعلم)
أكاد لا أصدق انني في هذا العمر و لمن امر بتجربة محزنة أو مؤلمة ,هل كنت أعيش في قوقعة.. ربما ,هل مرت بعائلتي أهوال و مصائب ,نعم, كل مامر به أبي أو أمي و أخي و أختي من مشاكل حقيقية ,أحسست بها كأنها وقعت لي أنا شخصيا. لا أدعي الذكاء (والله يشهد) و لكن لم أدع نفسي أقع فريسة لأصدقاء السوء, ولما أسميه بوهم الحب لم أرمي كل شيء على ظهري و أدعي انني ضحية ,كلا بل حاولت أن أقوم بماهو صحيح ,حاولت أن أتبع الطريق القويم و مازلت أحاول.
الغفران كلمة سهلة و لكن تنفيذها صعب (الا على أبي) غفر للكل و ساعد الجميع ,حمل كل شيء على عاتقه و قام بتوفير المستحيل لإسعادنا .
و ماذا نحن قمنا لإسعاده ....القليل ,, القليل
سنة 2008 قد تكون ما نحن بحاجة اليه ,قد تكون هي باذن الله الاستجابة لدعائنا :::::فأتمنى أنشالله أن يحصل التالي:::::
1-تخرجي من الجامعة باذن الله و الحصول على عمل حكومي بعد ذلك بما يقارب الشهران(انشالله)
2-تخرج أحي الذي يكبرني بأعوام من الجامعة(من الخارج) و الحصول على عمل هو الاخر (باذن الله)
3-تكملة أختي لدراستها في التخصص لذي يناسب ميولها و طموحاتها و قرب حصولها على الجنسية .(انشالله)

و احساس والدي أن تعبهما لم يذهب هدرا , و ان ابنائهم و ان ضلو الطريق فانهم لم يضيعوه و هاهم قد وصلو أخيراااا

اللهم اجعل هذه السنة سنة خير و رحمة و مغفرة و هدى و سلام , عل عائلتي و على مجمتعنا و المسلمين أجمعين
امييين

Holiday Blues

2007-12-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

My hooyo who can't speak a word of English knows the word (depression)cuz I keep saying I'm depressed.(3a6ol)
My favorite time to get depressed is the (holidays )and (my birthday).weird ha!!!
No not really, holidays always remind me of my boring, miserable life ,and my birthday reminds me of ..(uhh'))The same thing (I guess).

I always feel that I'm living a lie, nobody really knows who I am (including myself).

I want to get excited about things ,but my ability to feel joy n happiness is dead wallahii(i'm not kidding).
For example,the other day my aboo told me was going to buy me a brand new car(THIZ IZ HUGE)specially since i'm not working so i can't really help with the down payment or anything else.
But wallahi i have thiz empty feeling inside ,I'm not either happy nor I'm i sad,i just don't care (my sec fav statement ).
I kept saying (I don't care )billion times a day ,that now (I honestly do not care ABOUT a damn thing ).
This is sick.this is suppose to be a great experience, i'm shouldn't be faking (happiness) like I do now.

I need help!!!!!

Qabil,qabil,qabillllllll,and moree

2007-12-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

I keep getting all these mixed up info about qabil from the net and wallahi I'm shocked ,there is Soo MUCH HATE going on behind closed doors ,what confuses me the most is who is to blame for starting this hatred between our youth ,the parents!!!
I don't think SOOO,call me sentimental bt I find it hard to believe that a mother (like my HOOyo)or a father (like ABOO)would do that !!
My parents are not perfect of course ,bt they've never taught us anything about qabil.I really don't know if that's a good thing or not ,b/c now that I'm older I'm SOO hungry for information and I feel this sudden urge to know all there iz to know about my past.
However, since it was quiet difficult for me to comprehend what happened in the past ,I decided to stick to the present ,and see how Fun it is TO KNOW Who I am ,and where I come from, and the Good things about my tribe.
off topic ,I met a girl online a couple of months ago who lives in another country ,and while we were discussing qabil,we were Amazed to know that we both Belong to the same qabil,and REER,so even though I have never met that girl in my life ,she asked her father and he knew my father by name, and my father remembered their family as well, they haven't Met for over 17 years ,HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!

Anyways the reason why I started this topic is, apparently SOO many Ppl hate us ,or maybe I should say kids ,I don't know wallahi I only met them online ,and when I say Hate,I mean HATEEEEE.

I'M trying to find a reasonable, logical reason for their hatred, and wallahi I can't!!
Is it a human nature to hate seeing other folks living happily n in peace?
Is it shaytaan that motivated these ppl to spread the heat,and keep grudges till the end of time ?
As I might've mentioned before ,my parents made a conscious decision Long time ago to limit our encounters with Somalis as much as possible ,we still visit them from time to time ,still go to wedding (not many though),funerals ,social gathering ,and it's only fair to mention that my area(even though it has a considerable amount of
Residents) it is mainly occupied by Kuwaitis, and it
Has only two Somali familys, which we hardly socialize with).
This decision was based on their experience in the past and what happened to my sister a few yrs ago proved their point.(SUM SOMALI GIRLZ bad INFLUENCE)
that with aWith combination of her fascination with this new world
(uni)completely altered the path she was supposed to take in life.

When I went to college ,it was the first time ever that I meet a Somali girl MY age,I got along with sum,I loved others ,I only befriended a couple ,Socaad and Fee couldn't be more different in every way.
One is 2 religious, covers from head to toe, nice and considerate kind of judgmental.
The other one doesn't really care what 2 wear, cabaya, skirt, jeans, she's the type that will tell u 'what I wear doezn't define who I am', very confrontational, with an odd personality ,extremely funny bt gets mad very easily, n supportive at the same time.
I like the rest, most of my girls R SWEET.
THE PROBLEM IS I 'm way 2 scared to let any of my Somali girls IN,simply b/c I lead a double life…..
It's not as bad as it sounds ,bt wat happens is I sometimes leave the house wearing sumthin and change on my way to college ,or go out to malls ,cinema ,restaurants whatever when my parents think I'm at college, first it felt really crazy and wrong.
and I was terrified of getting caught, then after a while I realized that many girls r doing the same(specially going out on our break)it was quiet natural to every1 bt MY family, and about wat I wear it's just wat a normal girl in my age wears, I don't throw my scarf, hook up with guys or skip my lectures like sum do.
When I really think about my life ,I know that I had no choice ,otherwise I would've simply suffocated, my parents are not as clueless as they seem,they KNOW that I go out sometimes they simply luv to pretend that they don't .I'm not sure why, it's just how things are around MY HOUSE……..
I'm a seNIOR at college, I'm stressed, I'm busy, I don't work as much as I should be working, I'm tired ,I feel that I've managed to dhameyay my energy in the past 3 yrz,I really Really want to graduate ,bt in the same time I feel as if I'm not ready to end this chapter of my life.
I often feel that I'm missing something, what is it!! Only Allah knows.
All I can do for now is try to fight the confusion and make the best of the time I have left in my college.

Bla bla bla

2007-10-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

Guilty shopping

Why can't i act like a normal girl and buy stuff that I actually need, why WHY!!!
I feel so guilty now watching the bile of clothes that I won't probably wear more than once and the gorgeous heels that MY FRIEDS won't let me appear in public with (they're short I'm tall..U get the picture)
I'm spending money that I don't even have (Guilt Guilt)and the crazy part is I'm not a shopoholic ,I never shop that often so maybe when I do make it to the mall, I 'm so impressed by everything I c that logic and reason goes out the window!!

Stop shouting I know that you're a Somali

Ukh, this is getting old, trying to come closer and scream in MY EARS SO I know that they're Somalis...LAME
When I was in Maka (the holly kaba)as a child or in my early teens ,we'de see hundreds of black of ppl and sum of them Must be Somali so we'd scream ,WARYA OR NAYA(lolll)to c if they would turn around or not ..hehehe

I miss being 18

(Not really)

I've been hanging a lot with an 18 yr old and at times the freshness ,innocence ,and maybe cluelessness can be SOO cute, bt then I remember the lousy feeling in my gut that I'm lost All the time ,the confusion ,the fear ,and more ,GOD!!
Seeing these kids makes me feel soo old, of course then we start talking about the hot shirtless guy we saw on TV the other night and Bam ,I feel 18 again(smile)

Busy busy(Liar)

I feel busy ,I am busy ,I mean if I'm not busy ,then what the hell was I doing studying last night and working on my project till 4 am in the morning?
The evil, honest me answers:
Maybe if u haven't slept all day, watched TV all night, u'de have time TO work on your stupid research.
I need to take a course in time management or something, I'm LOST

HOW RECKLESS CAN A PERSON GET?

1-cutting the red light twice (last week only).

MY LECTURE WAS AT 8 AM, n if I came 5 mints late ,he wouldn't have let me in.

2-texting and driving.

Only when the cars r hardly moving (traffic)

3-searching for things under the seat WHILE driving.

I don't have an excuse for this one except that I ……uhh…duno why I do it really!!
SORRY :-/

شخابيط

2007-10-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

Weird things r happening to me!!!

2day was hard for me, I was sick n couldn't go 2 college ,I ended up skipping one lecture (error analysis)and i felt bad about it ,ok u guys don’t know me ,I hardly have a Good time in a lecture or wish i was there when i'm absent ,this is weird!!!
Maybe b/c I luv lectures that r based on discussions rather than copying and writing endless pages that will be forgotten as soon as I leave the class,and maybe b/c I have a secret CRUSH on my prof ,Hey,,its harmless!!

I'll show u the light!!!

One of my new teachers is taking her job way too seriously, some1 should fill her in about how things r around here ,we can't handle 2 much work ! I understand that Egyptians r bookish ppl and can deal with the endless amount of work that she used to give em..BUT hello!!!!this is not Egypt soo take a break and relax and let me show u the light;-)

Cooking!!!

I've always thought that I'm the only Somali girl who lives with her mum n have a billion chance to learn bt still can't stand cooking or eating 4 the matter (except what it iz necessary to keep me alive other wise I'll drop dead of course :p
But since cooking is one my electives courses, I took it,I still can't believe I did that,, my mum is sure that I'll Fai!!axx
But I honestly think that with the presence of my friends ..I might even learn something and Surprise Hooyo(smile)

A few Things I wish that I could change in Ramadan

1-mosques being filled with men/women in their fifties, while the younger generation is glued to the television afraid to miss 1 episode from 3ores eldam(myself included, sometimes!!))

2-girls wearing full make up ,tight outfits be4 8 am in Ramadan, when do they have time to do all that ,in my case if had time to wash my face I'll be damn lucky

3-others wearing abaya and acting all religious Only in Ramadan, I wish 7'air to every1 but they sound hypocrites to me..

4-teachers giving their poor students 2 many assignments and quizzes +a 2 hour long (lecture) !! what!!I seriously can't handle it…i'm just wondering bt aren't we all Muslims here?? , Compassion ppl!!

My first day in my last yr in uni…

2007-10-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

Uhh,,it was great ,I met my old friends ,searched 4 the new Somali girl who enrolled in my college this semester(we always know everything about new Somali students the moment they get accepted..lolll..Mothers Network ;-)
I can't believe I'm saying this ,but wahhahi I think I'm going to miss my college ,4 the past three yrs we've done nothing but compare it with other colleges ,and trashing it at every possible opportunity ,and now that I'm about to graduate I'm finally accepting it and dare I say (loving it also)……
Ohh.don't get me wrong ,I want to graduate as bad as the next person, amazing how your views to the world as yrs go by, when I started all I could think about iz :graduate to earn money and buy a car ,,Now all I want is to make to parents proud ,let them see that after 16 yrz of schooling their youngest daughter won't let them down. I used to fantasize sometimes about handing my first paycheck to my father and seeing the tear in his eye(Somali abooz r not that emotional,God!!i sure watch 2 many movies!!lol

THE rest of the week:::

This week in general was hectic, I mean why can't the government give us a holiday in Ramadan or at least the last 10 days of the holly month like Saudia , it's xaar,I can't understand a damn thing in my lectures ,all I'm thinking about iz:going home and taking a nap be4 fo6oor,,,,,uhh,,,enough 4 now =bak to my assignments!!!!!

Ps:driving 10 mints be4 fo6oor is suicide wallahi ,normal ppl r diving like maniacs TRYING TO REACH FO6OOR on time,,,I can't blame them Really,,but still they scared me ,,akhhhh

خاوية على عروشها

2007-09-29T03:30:00.000-07:00

العالم استعدت..و بدت و درسو و حضرو ,,زهبو بحوث و غيره و احنا لااااااا حيااة لمن تناادى ...رحت معرض الكتاب الى سوو في التربية مع رفيجتي و شفت العالم تتراكض كلها في حالة من الاستنفاار ,رجعت كليتي الحلوة(العالم نايمة على عمرها )و محد يدري وين الله حااطه والله لو ان من هالبنات الي نايمين في بيتهم و لا يدرون عن شي ,,ماكنت راح اشتكي بس المشكلة اني حضرت اغلب الأياام و طبعا طبعا ما حضرو معاي الا أقل القليل
انشالله الأسبوع الجاي راح تبدى الدراسة الصجية و أتمنى ان الله يوفقني في هالكورس لانه جداا مهم و حاااااسم
يمكن السبب الحقيقي لشكواي اهو انه العادة أول أسبوع يكون أروع هياااتة بالسنة و بما ان الحين رمضاان و مكو مكان نروحه ,,الكل فضل يخمد ببيته

كلمة أخيرة///أحب لمن أحد يسألني (مستجدة)و أقول(لا خريجة))شعوور جدا حلو
:-)

True or false (from my point of view))...

2007-09-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

1-Somalis speaking different dialects can understand each other.

True ,they can of course, apparently I'm the only own who can't ,,,ukh, Lately I've been having difficulties understanding my friend's southerm accent ,even though I pretend not to(b/c it's embarrassing), ,she'll use words that are completely foreign to me ,and I'll either let it slide ,or ask her what it means .Most of the time we'll use expressions (in Somali) ,or individual words ,almost never a complete sentence, uh,I wish I cloud understand better, but southern PPL speak quickly wallahi I can barely catch up,,
Funny! when we r at a gathering and some1 is speaking like her ,me and my other friend ,we'll be like" Translation PLZ", even though he's speaking Somali, and the same thing happens when some1 is speaking like me, ukh, we're pathetic ,HA!!!
Of course, the ones who r worse than us, girls can't who simply can't understand Somali (SHAME ON THEM)

2_Reading Quraan in Arabic is the same as reading it in English.

FALSE, it's not even close ,Arabic is the way that it was nezel cala the prophet (peace upon him),so naturally translation can't be the same thing ,I duno ,some ppl might disagree ,but in my case I don't even believe think that it's possible to recite it properly in English ,uhh,or I'm I wrong ,Allah aclam!!

3_Most people don't mind using the bus in their transportations.

Ok, this is almost a trick question, the way I see it is, if u live in the western world then that is ok, and accepted, and maybe cheaper than using a cab or using your own car.
Around here ,it's embarrassing ,unsual,and simply impossible ,b/c the ones who use it are cadi workers and to a girl or even young guys it's not safe ,besides the bus has many stops ,as one of ciyaal caseer(khlaeej kids) I'm used to having an easy life ,with my folks taking me where I want when I was young ,or using my comfy car now as an adult.

4_Somalis judge different Somalis based on what they r wearing?

I'm afraid to say (one hundernd percent )true…if a girl is wearing a short skirt ,or a tight outfit they'll be atomically labeling her as a Slut)but if she's covered and wears hijaab(then she's respectable),ukh,I really hate his rule ,the say I see it is whatever the girl wears is between her and her creator ,who r we to judge ,and the number of girls who r covered from the outside yet do unbelievable things in the dark are countless…..

5_The last one is not a statement but a question. Does your location affect the way u practice the religion?

I can only answer for myself, by saying of course not, but remembering how I was bak in high school (ppl pleaser) and my tendency to do anything to fit in (as a teenager), I can only say Alexamdellah that I was born in a Muslim country, b/c other wise only Allah knows how I would've turned out to be

Me,moi,aneja,ana!!!

2007-09-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

MY dream job

When ppl normally encounter a small child in the street or in a family gathering, all u can hear iz them saying.. ,HOW cute he iz..Isn't he adorable ,,and soo on…well .I'm not one of those ppl o.k. admit…kids that age (infants)SCARE the hell out of me….older ones, ,,uh the case is similar here, THEY GROSS me out,,,I don't know why(DING DONG,,,maybe cuz I'm the youngest one in the family)anyways ,Tonight ,at the tarawix prayer ,some kid kept on leaning on my black and using me as a Chair,(she was around 2)and wallahi I was so scared I might hurt here or something, I ended up praying a half a mint slower than the rest of the mosaleen.so I can make sure I Won't accidentally ,injure the poor girl (axxx),,,She was SOO tiny!!!!
I'm actually having second thoughts about the 3 yr old girl who was lost and when I tried to help her she screamed at the top of her lungs (Hello…b/c of my color,damn I NEED to c Africa one day ,my self esteem is going down the drains with cadaan ppl around me 247,,,ukh,,,))
Anyways don't worry…some carb came and Surprise Surpise, she amazingly cooperated with them….
Why can't I avoid children altogether, not hard..HA!!!(Wrong……it iz HARD, no let me rephrase that , it's Impossible! I'm training to become,exem exem,A teacher!!!
Meaning, I'll be around lil kids from ages 6-10…ALL the time
Plz..try to make DUcAA for the poor kids who'll be placed under my care
Ps: on a more serious note b/c they scare me so much I ended up complementing them A LOT..(Kids love that) good job. Excellent work. things like that, so seriously I don't think I'll Make a very bad teacher, I honestly believe that I might even learn something new(from carrorta,of course) :-)

A break

Have u ever heard of friends taking a break from each other, well, I didn't , ,I heard ppl in a relationship asking 4 breaks ,not friends and to be to be more specific best friends!!!
The truth is, I'm starting to feel me and BFF r in a different place right now ,she's been through A Lot, She's
already comfortable with who she is ,and the confidence she has in herself is beyond your imagination, while ,I'm practically struggling with all the above,, I know that friends are not suppose to be (twins )and I was ok with that ,I never cared about our differences ,until very recently where she accused me of being ,,I'm having a hard time saying thiz..(Shallow) ..which of course, I'm not!!..ok,so what.. I like watching TV,I happen to find a few actors hot,(big deal!!)I,duno, like to go out,,(things like that)SO khlaa9 I'm shallow,there is more to me than Just that ,for example:I love to read ,I love literature, poems ,old ones sometimes ,I'm always willing to listen to ppl and discuss different matters..SOO I find one topic boring, n yalla I'm Shallow,u no what!? I'm done with this ,I'm through, life is too short to keep things inside, I simply told her ..I need a break, I'll call u when I'm ready, I love this person. I know she means well, but u no what, I don't need U to put me down anymore ,so after I think about it for a while, I'll simply say RESPECT baby RESPECT, no more of your comments ,and 2 tell u the truth, I like who I am now, ,it's not my problem your over mature, One of these days I'll be where u are now, till then ,KEEP ur mouth SHUT and accept who I am or ELSE??!!!!

BELONGING

I keep talking about this topic, I'm not sure why. maybe b/c my father keeps on commenting whenever I asked about a certain qabil (which is something I would've never done a few months ago),or discuss the differences between citizens and residents in kw,,that I'm searching for an identity, a place to call home, where my routs are, I sometimes envy(not often)the Somalis why live in the western world,wallahi not 4 the reasons that most Somali have, a better life ,a chance for a good education ,!!!in my case ,I actually like kw,I wouldn't mind to live here 4 the rest of my life ,bak to my reason.. its quiet simple actually,((Belonging)) ,they have the right to say I'm American ,or as my 11 yr old coz ,who came to visit us from UK used to say whenever we try to keep her inside the house ,I'm Britsh,OVER n over,TILL we shut her up ,with the usual comment…Hey, stop believing yourself ,you r SOMALI…capish!!!!
That precious feeling is missing from my life ,and I often find myself searching for it.,,by trying to know more about who I am, bonding with Somalis ,things like that, its so weird how my brother would tell my dad for EX,that dude is from jebreel aboker but his mum is so and so,oh my God, ,,when he left he was around 22,and I swear I doubt he knew his own qabil,what is that,qabilist?!!! ,OF course not, the poor guy NEVER BEFRIEBDED Somali guys ,or saw any for more than a few hours for that matter, Now,hiz Somali improved (much),and he'll tell ME ii waran walal…HOW cool is that, he found that feeling ,not in his home ,but he found it, I'm so proud(and a bit envious)will I ever feel like that!!!
Inshallah..SAY amin

Ramadan KARIM

Ramadan has finally arrived..marxaba marxaba…for the first days of this holly month, I was at the comfort of own home ,doing (nothing) ,I'm starting this Sunday(they recently changed the holiday from Thursday and Friday to Friday and sat, what the heck,I hate this ,I'll be working/studying in Thursdays .I'm soo not used to this,anyways I just bought a new computer, the old one was crap and I lived with no NET for almost 3 weeks, I'm pleased to say, I SURVIDED,YAY, but to tell u the truth I'm not so sure this new one is great either..alllah yaster…

Moslasal wara mosalsal wara mosalsal
TV IN RAMADAN

This holly month is 4 praying ,for cibada, ,reading quraan, and all that but the TV channels r competing in the amount of mindless,, useless TV series they Can produce every yr,I have a stupid question, since when it's ok to play lesbians and gays in khaleejy series..EWW..what has gone into the araab/khlaeeji world!!!
I'm bored of everything the only thing I only is a comedy show(hatha waladna)fawazir(xalima)and a game show(bela kelma)..only!!!!and yes I almost forgot a Syrian series on Dubai..oh my my,,Syrians R sure cute..hehehe
Ps:of course I watch at least 2 religious shows R we forgetting that THIS iz Ramadan")

Ops ..my bad…

This is what I said today when I took a U turn and neglected to check for the cars coming from my left side N almost CRASHED into a huge truck(THE sound OF PEEEEP ,brought me bak to planet earth).walahi I don't know why I can't keep my emotions and my driving time separate ,I'm not a sucky driver seriously, normally I drive like a normal person, but when I'm mad, or upset like I was 2day,I was driving SOO fast in my quiet lil residential area, what was I thinking…if there iz such a thing like an emotional driver ,then I'm sure one of them…axxx

Interesting stuff

2007-08-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

Who's gonna pay the bill?!!

I'm not sure how this works ,but one thing I can tell u 4 sure iz :it took me a while to master the fine art of (paying the bill)
A -in my early stages I used to often get nervous while not knowing what to do exactly I find myself grapping a large bill from my purse and paying 4 the whole group( my stomach still hurt when I remember buying a family meal 4 only 2 girls((balayoo ,cadanko sure have calool wayn))

b- then I grew up a little n I started letting every1 pay 4 their own meal, makes sense .right!!,well the only problem here is that used to get over sensitive when any1 tries to pay anything for me even if it's as simple as a chocolate bar, why! Only ALLAH knows so don't ask!!

c.final stage,the only way that actually works for us, is taking turns (no one will actually admit we r doing so)but still!!! we do it anyways…!!
Ps: this way works 4 my new friends, the old ONES were greedy n maseebo(thank god I got rid if them)

Five mints:

I haven't heard from some1spceial to my heart in a long time(3 weeks),n while contemplating the possibility of me leaving that person ,or if I could live without out that person i ended up calling this special someone n it only took me five mints to remember all the love that fills m heart and I felt terrible for not being more understanding, so without sharing any of my stupid concerns with that person ,i forgave myself fo missing them so much!! b/c well,i'm only Human!!!

Qabil:

I love 2 know more about qabil, my friend's qabil, my famil MEMBERS qabil, n down to their(reer),,this started very recently I happen (to the contrary of many of my peers)to find this whole new world very exciting
, I have to mention I don't care who fought who n what happened in the past, but I find it amazing to know how ppl come together n wlc each other with love and hospitality just bc they r from the same qabil or part of the country, however, I strongly disagree with the hatred and hostility we find among certain qabils ,and I think ppl like arabs r more than proud of their own qabil,and they have all the respect in the world for other qabils ,soo when I see this example in front of my eyes ,I often wonder, why can't we be like that!?!!!!

Center of the universe:

Every1 heard how an only child is selfish, ,needy, a bit self observed t, well well,guess what I'm afraid I'm becoming that way, uhh,,I'm not an ONLY child al7amdolehhah,but my siblings r studying abroad my nd mumy nd dady(check how I say mumy instead if mum..uhh))r home alone…
I have my mum begging me(literally) to eat some more ,my dad being atypical Somali dad, shows his affection through giving me materialistic stuff ,and plenty of advice, I'm trying to fight how I become, I keep reminding myself that PEAPLE have lives, I can't expect every1 to call me all that time or I don't know have something more important to do, how many ppl do noting more than eat,sleep.go online,watch tv,n sleep some more(who)??hu!!!ok a lot of ppl..lollll..but that's beside the point, the ones I know r not that way,so I guess I should learn to live with my choices,, uhh

Danbega iyo neyada
Guilt and intention

I heard a sheikh once say that as long u don't have any bad thoughts u can watch whatever u want (I don't want to misquote him ,but I'm pretty sure that's what he meant)so last night I was watching an old Arabic movie starring layla 3elwi nd yosra where most of the scenes happen to take place IN bed,,,ok..this is soo not what u u'll r thinking ,of course there were a few kisses, but the movie was hilarious even when they were on the bed kissing or whatever I was laughing so hard cuz his other wife was under the bed trying to scare them off somehow,,,soo foolishly I tried to include my mum so we can watch the movie 2gether,GOD!!what was I thinking, all she saw was a half naked man ,n 2 women in their night gown…so u guess how the evening ended ..AXXX….anyways I watched the rerun the next Day..allll by myself..loll…soo seriously I'm wondering is what that sheikh said..correct..i sure hope so:-)

Random Thoughts

2007-08-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

Appearance::

When you r all dressed up ready to go somewhere, and u causally ask a friend, girlll,, how do I look?!! R we honestly expecting an answer, in my case.NOO..all I'm doing is (fishing for a compliment)),,(u look great)(amazing )or perfect as my friend once told me, b/c let's get real, it's not like I can do anything about it now, what! I'm I supposed to do rush bak home put on some more eye shadow, or wear something else…AGAIN nooo..!!
Some ppl can be real annoying and specific commenting that your make up looks pink when ur top is red ,or u r wearing high heels ,when u r already tall, which makes them look even shorter, I love my friends ,I want them all to look good ,but seriously why r u telling me this Now, when u r more than aware of how sensitive I am ,and how much I don't like these comments ,of course I don't care b/c at this point all I Can do is brush it off and forget what every1 have said!!

Marriage:

Me n my friends always joke about when r we going to tell each other about us getting engaged, a week be4 that ,a month ,or when he officially t asks 4 ur hand in marriage , most of us like r pretty much like Arabs ,u don't go out with him be4 he comes to your house ,don't talk to him behind your parents back and definitely, we won't have what the westerns (plus Somalis who live abroad think is soo ok )(((DATING)!!!
U go out with some dude and maybe once in a million u'll find a catch, fall in luv ,and get married ,but the harsh reality is most of em won't take u seriously or they'll think u r easy with no family to look out 4 u,a clean reputation is the best thing a girl can hope for before she gets married …
Soo bak to my topic,my opinion was I'll tell u the moment he comes to my house and we sense that he's serious ,but my girls disagree and basically told me we'll tell u after it happens b/c if it got cancelled ,which could happen for a number of reasons ,we're gonna look BAD!!!!!(even if things didn't work out between them ,I would luv to know… be her supporting shoulder ,be there for her,nobody seems to get my point of view !!!!!
lollll,come to think of it why r we even talking about this ,MAN!! we sound desperate ,,,axxx!!!

Friends ::

I've been hanging out with my friends for the last couple of weeks ,going nice places ,trying to make plans with them ,it's not an easy task, a lot of them r busy doing their own thing ,or too busy studying (I'm with them ,but let's just say I'm not an A student ,if u know what I mean) ,Somali girls r sure hard workers.. I mean I used to be like that at some point that's why I got into college (I got a scholarship),but once I got in my battery's ran out and I'm lazier than ever,I have a B average now which I'm pretty satisfied with ,al7emdellah,,,!!
Back to my friends my new friend ZEE is soo COOL ,we r already planning to hang out more next semester since it's my final course and to go out n stuff ,I luv that. she's like me ,up to everything ,fearless ,social(I'm real shy at first ,don't know how to approach ppl but once I finally get to know them .i can't seem to shut up),besides not that I'm picky or anything but many of the girls I met I haven't liked and the best part iz Zee DOESN'T like them either ,so hey..i'm normal,it's not me ,its them..loll
Finally I really appreciate my friends and I let them know it, if u haven't been honest with the ppl u like ,then who I'm I gonna be hones with t, being away from my sisters makes me lean o them more, ,mimi.,.fee,,zee,ash,fofo,,Inshallah years from now (whether we r still in touch or not..i'll remember them all with a Smile:-)…

شغلااات تضحك عن القبااايل

2007-07-24T02:41:00.000-07:00

مابيه طويل فوق المعدل يفشلني …………..... ......ولاقصير يحسبونه ولد لي>>مابيه متين من اول يوم يفطسني ………........ولا ضعيف من ذرة هواءيطيرني>>مابي عيونه كبار منها يكلمني………...............ولا صغار ما يقدر >يطالعني>>مابيه شين في الليل يخوفني …………..............ولا حلو بيومين يطير مني>>مابيه غني باهلي يعايرني…………….................ولا فقير يجي يطلب مني>>مبيه رير شردون بكثر رغيه يزعجني …………ولاعبد الله سعد ياخذني ويضربني>>ولاعييدآكله بقبيلته يزهقني ……………….....ولارير كديد يدق طبله ويرقصني>>ولاارب من لحمه ياكلني ………..... . . ولا هويه بسواد وجهه يزيغني>>ولا هبرجعلوا بكل تكاسيه يركبني ………ولادول باهنته اكون العاشرة ياخذني>>ولاهبريونس كل الليل يسهرني…………ولا ريرسمتر من سواد عيونه يعذبني>>ولااحمدعبدالله بقشور الحب يوصخني……ولاريراحمد بمغازل غيري يجنني>>ولا مكاهيل بكلامه يبط كبدي……………ولا عيسي موسي بريحه السمك يدبحني>>ولارير عبنه بشرب الحلبه يفطرني…………ولااوغادين عند امه يشغلني>>ولا اباه اصلا صومالي ………………...............في الصومال يسكني>>ولا كويتي ببرود اعصابه يحرقني…………ولا بحريني بريح الزفر يخيسني>>ولا عماني بطول عمامته يربطني…………ولاقطري مع البدوان يبهدلني>>ولا اماراتي بشوارع الحب يركضني………ولا ايراني يبيع الصحون يفشل
الي اكتشفته من امي انه فيه شغلااااات يعايرون فيهاا القبااايل موحودة فعلاا هني...ان مت من الضحك لمن قريتهااا.!!!!!

Qabilka iyo gabdhaha

2007-07-24T02:35:00.000-07:00

Every1 will tell u that the reason of the horrors and destruction that took place in Somalia in the last 17 years and (even before that)is qabil…soo the older generation is obsessed with that matter, what about us ,where we do we stand on that subject!!!
The way I see it with my little experience with other Somalis.u'll find different types :
1_the worst typ,qabil fanatic. not afraid to let you know how they feel, they pretend to be brave when they are around other members of their own qabil….((love to be in groups, rarely alone)
2_the other type, swear they don't even know what their qabil is, maybe they had problems in the past with other Somalis and they learned their lesson. so they think lying is the best way to handle that subject, if they didn't avoid Somalis altogether.
3_the confusing type, they won't discriminate against other qabil but they feel a little bit more comfortable around their own,just b/c they share the same ideas.
4_either they hate your qabil .not you,b/c of the ideas that were installed in their heads by their parents or they simply feel superior to other qabil so they won't either marry from em or mingle with them as much
5_the perfect type, almost rare ,they won't give a damn if u were Somali .Ethiopian or Chinese ,who u are and your qabil…makes no difference to them whatsoever ,not even a tiny bit,ok,soo I haven't met this type yet and I truly doubt they actually exist..!!!!!!!!

Ok where I'm i?
.I really want to BE a 5 really. but I didn't create this blog to lie and besides every1 I know, knows where I stand.ok I'll admit I'm a 3 for now, I am more than be ready to be a 5 if I got the necessary help. Which is meeting some nice 5z J
Why I'm I a 3 ?!!,well, my good friend (>>>)is from another qabil,and I love her dearly, but that doesn't mean I'll tolerate the negative remarks against my region I simply won't..
I'm I being naïve here, I truly believe that u can bee from any part of the country and have your own convictions about the case and in the same time listen to what other ppl have to say and accept that you can't change their mind..this subject is even worse than qabil these days ,i'm really close to being a (2)now !!!!!!
كلمة من القلب::احب ديرتي صوماليلاند وو ان مع الانفصاللل و اذا كان في سبيل للاتحاد بدون جر ويلات الحر الى ديرتي ما اتوقع في احد راح يعترض.....الله يديم الامااان عليناو يرد الأمن لباااجي الصومااال...امييييييننننن

Caroor fareed yaal ah

2007-07-16T19:15:00.001-07:00

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.Alan, age 10(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.Kristen, age 10WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie, age 6HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?(1) Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.Martin, age 10WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. Craig, age 9WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?(1) When they're rich. Pam, age 7(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. Howard, age 8IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.Theodore, age 8(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? Kelvin, age 8And the #1 Favourite is........HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. Ricky, age 10ؤaroor

why?!

2007-07-16T19:10:00.000-07:00

If u are walking on the street or in a mall minding your own business and there is a black guy coming your way u know for sure without doubt that he'll check u out (I'm talking to black girls ….))
In my experience (very minimum) he won't look at your face, eyes, whatever,u'll find him twisting his head checking your Ass.,,, what the hell!!!!!!!!
Wallahi I'm really thin boy ,there is nothing to check ……I'm not like them girls on music videos ..ok!!!!
My(hilarious )best friend actually told me (dunoo she could be exaggerating )that some dude(black one of course ) who was right behind me changed where he was standing so he can have a better view ..?!!!!!!!!!!uhhhh
U know what the worst part is …..I really don’t mind!!!!!!!heheheheeeeeee

It wasn't suppose to...uhh

2007-07-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of my week, I had so many plans .so much to do ,that I almost flunk my exam b/c I couldn't concentrate on anything else but making things go my way, well,,
My plans were :::
A-take my girls to have a meal in a nice restaurant
B-go camping by the beach with my friends.
C-go a wedding, and dance all night long ,
Looking back o my week, I'm truly confused; I don't know when did things started to go wrong…
First of all, the trip was cancelled ,2 of my friends were ill so we couldn't go out ,and about the wedding ,well that's a long story:
I hardly go anywhere, so I was so determined to have a great time at this wedding ,I did everything possible to make it work, from last minute alteration on my dress ,to leaving the salon next door and fine a cheaper one so I can do the whole thing (hair and make up there)the one near my house is ridiculously expensive ,it took me a while a find a nice one with no ppl, perfect cuz I was already late ,I loved the whole thing ,specially putting full make up on my face ,I felt like a little child in a candy store, the whole thing was a woww ….but, when I went back home everything was a mess my cousin who I was supposes to go with left ,,my dad lost it and asked me to take the care and go by myself(as an attempt to make me feel even lousier than I already felt) ,my mother blamed me for not calling my coz 10 thousand times to make sure when she'll be there ,at this point all I wanted was cry and peg for them to take me back home so I can wash my face and go to bed ,when we arrived at the wedding I saw my friend at the door(she doesn't listen 2 music,so only came to meet the bride then leave)so I stayed with there for a while not knowing if my dad is waiting for us outside or is has he left?!!!
That's when I decided to stop worrying ,there is nothing I can do now ,so I might as well Try to enjoy myself since I'm already here ,,,during the whole time what I loved the most were the traditional dances(when thy formed a circle I wanted to stand on my seat to see clearly, I also had this erg to jump in with them, I love it when they do this whole twirling around then the little jump)) ,I even lost it and started dancing like a (>>>>)on shakira's song ,it was insane ,but I don't care ,it was an odd day ,I'm still not speaking to my dad ,I will eventually .(of course)but I can't easily forgive me for the yelling scene and almost ruining my day for me ,I understand I am somewhat to blame for what happened ,but coping with the new events and dealing with the unexpected is not on my dad's book. Everything must be perfectly planned …or else I'll suffer the consequences!

Fee

2007-07-08T05:02:00.000-07:00

Fee is a typical Somali friend!!!u might wonder ,what does that mean, well, fee is loud (no surprise here),talkative, that's where our language comes in handy ,won't take crap from anyone ,knows what she wants and no one can ever persuade her into doing something she does not like, fee is honest ,she will tell it as it is ,she won't lie to you no matter what, my favorite thing about her is how she is genuinely fascinated by seeing matho ppl and is often pissed of when they r not around ,(if there is a song on TV with small children but no matho kids ,she'll start lashing out 3altv)did I mention she used to have a black stamp with a Black Barbie when she was in school, simply saying what would I want with a stamp of cadaan Barbie)anyways I absolutely love this girlll.

After negotiations that went on for months ,I finally convinced my friend fee that I'm an OK driver and it's actually safe to ride with me so unexpectedly after I almost gave up ,she agreed to go out, I feel privileged to be the first person to show her the cool places in KW*
Anyways ,I got up that morning and I always use the alarm in my phone so when I heard the noise (I don't remember I was asleep)I pressed something and the next thing I knew is me waking up n hour late(that hour was my grooming time)owch. anyways ,I was still too excited to let anything put me down so I wore my bright yellow top,(I know a crazy color)and jeans and put on a light make up and rushed to reach my lecture on time,of course I was late, normally I drive fasttttt but the radio station had these slow love songs so I took the right lane and basically forgot(everything)except the song…
The moment I entered my class ,it was soo weird almost all the girls were gazing my way ,some with approval looks.some with plain (what the hell is up with here 2day look),,well u see the thing is ,I ALWAYS wear black cabaya and b'ack shilla(xijab)to college ,so it was a bit unusual for me to all of a sudden change my style and wear such a bight color ,I forgot to add ,no matter what u wear or do ppl will still give u looks its caadiii around here,,,
my prof decided that he have so much to do and he stayed for half the lecture only ,when he said would u like us to stop now (we all went)YAAAAAAA…loll..i felt as if I'm back to kindergarten …..while I as waiting for feeI told M that I 'm soo excited and normally when I'm that excited something goes wrong,after 5 mintz ,fee called saying that Zanob won't be able to come cuz her friend was depressed and she has to stay and cheer her up,,uhh,,!!!!!(that was sad ,,I was looking forward for her to join us)
Ok.no bigy,I won't let that upset me, fee ,mimi and myself had a good time …we went out ,ate, talked ,wandered around and ..everything went great(except of the deadly stares and raised eyebrows she gave anyone who dared to look our way,(funny)and the cool mathoo family we saw there with matching braids ,,(really amazing)
It was an ordinary day 4 many ppl,but to me and fee it was everything BUT ordinary.

عقد في عقد

2007-07-08T04:51:00.000-07:00

اليوم على غير العادة قررت اكتب بالعربي ومادري مليت من الانجليزي و هم يعجبني ان الاغلبية الي احب اقرالهم مايعرفون عربي!!!غريبة صح,,مادري ليش ما اكتب مذكراتي و احتفظ فيها بدل م اكتب ع النت اذا مابي احد يفهم ..ان اصلا مو عارفة ليش!!! غبااااء
على كل حال امس رفيجتي فيفي اضطرت تروح ابجر البيت فقعدت تقريبا فوق الساعتين بروحي و بالهفترة قعدت شوي مع رفيجتها و سولفنااا عادي (هذا مو الموضوع)المهم انا لمن رديت البيت كنت مستانسة اطالع المنظرة و احس انه شكلي اوكي و جسمي اوكي و مافيني اي شي ,,,لمجرد اني كنت مرتااحة نفسيا ...الصراحة احس اني مليت مادري متى هالحالة بتهدني (كره النفس وحب النفس)..ثاني يوم ردت علي الحالة و بديت اكره نفسي مرة ثانية و المصيبة اني بس البس شي معقول مو شرط روعة علطوول احس اني وايد احسن(يعني اشوه مو مرضي) ,,ادري انه فيني واايد عقد بس حتن هالشي الصغير ماني قادرة اتخلص منه ..!!!
يبى خلووهاا على الله ...شكلها مراهقة عشرينية ........

Maturity

2007-06-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

Have u ever waken up one day realizing (I'M mature),of course NOT..in order to feel that way u must go through a lot ,being responsible ,being independent ,surviving a heart break or two, being comfortable with who you are and how u live….and much more….
What I'm afraid of is ,what if u have limited experience regarding almost everything, what if you are sheltered u can't even give fill the gas in your car b/c u might get it wrong(Hindi workers do the whole process u only sit In your car but it doesn't matter by papa still thinks I can't handle it), what if u freeze in public but when u gain your composure ,u sound very confident and easy to talk to, what if takes you a while to be at ease around other ppl,but once u finally do u can't ever stop talking…
What if almost every1 around u if obsessed with taking super extra care of themselves but u only sleep, eat and well. sleep some more, what if u stay up at night thinking of new creative ways to lie at your parents just do something soo damn simple like stay late with your friends,,,
And the biggest IF, what if u r a hopeless case, too afraid to take risks ,2 lazy to change your life, does that mean you can never be mature even if you r 30,when I reached 21 ,I felt absolutely nothing, it didn't change how I feel about myself ,I'm not satisfied with how my life is, I have so much I want to change I don't even know where to begin, today I asked my friend ,don't u feel different ,don't u feel older, more mature.. Anything!!!!! , and she just laughed and said .no I like being a kid….and that just hit me. I've been told more than once that I complicate things and no one but(A)took the time to know that I'm a bit complex b/c my life was complicated, soo I can't just wake up and be all cheery and smiley and TAKE IT EASY as some ppl might say, I don't even know where I'm going with this this, college was a huge turning point in my life, I truly hope that entering the work field will shape my character and make me the best I can be or I'm I A HOPELESS DREAMER??.

Cinema

2007-06-22T04:30:00.000-07:00

I don’t know why. but I seem to have the worst taste in movies, I sometimes go to a horror movie where my eyes are closed 99% of the time, but I still enjoy my time there(I like the rush)..Or go to movies like spider man3..It's not only silly but plain stupid. No story. No nothing and ugly actors, what the hell was I thinking...
To avoid this I'm thinking about going to c shrek the third next week, I'm not crazy about it but I saw1 and it was ok….
Did I mention I have the worst timing as well, almost every1 I know is busy with (elsummer course or working)) and pllzz don't suggest going at night (like normal ppl do. I can't do that..!!!!!!!7asafa..
I need my monthly dose of movies, seriously I'm obsessed if I didn't go there dunno what will happen to moi...last time when me and my friend were deciding to go to the nearest mall to see a movie we bought the newspaper to c where we'll go and for my surprise we didn't see the dates so this time I stayed in the car and she bought another1..Okk….didn't c nothing there ALSO!!!,,what happened r the movie ppl on a strike or something, then, basically too embarrassed to go again I went there and bought another((2))..Feeling all eyes on me. the cashier mentioned chuckling that I'm buying (wajed wajed jareeda)))(that I'm buying 2 many newspapers )))LOLL, finally we found we wanted and headed 4 sharq,,I AM ADDICTED to movies ..I think I need help..lollll

I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS

2007-06-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

On Friday I got a call from my friend tempting me to go IC SKATING with her, my first reaction was of course NO thanx 7abibti ,,I can't skate ,forgetting the fact that (me= lacking ice skating skills GOES WITHOUT SAYING…simply B/C non of my friends knows how 2 skate ..Lollll...This is Kuwait we r talking about we r not big on sports ,I can almost swear that most ppl go there to escape the unbearable heat…((it is cold OVER THERE..soooo very cold)
Anyways she trapped me with guilt saying that I didn't go at a major Somali gathering at her house ,,and the only way to make amends is to go skating or (attempting to skate crossing my fingers and praying not to break my legs))
The event (can I call it that ...dunoo) anyways ,it was organized by the Somali students union in kw ,which I consider myself a part of ,but sadly for many reasons can't represent my college (even though I was asked to )in the meetings ,,I truly believe that these young Somalis (including myself) can close the gap by forgetting our differences (political o tribal )and we r making great example of doing so..
We arrived there in the morning ,saw my dear friend waiting for me, then entered there to meet the rest ,I didn't know all the girls in there but I would luv to get to know(some of them)in the near future inshallah,,,it was no surprise that most ppl there were Brits and Americans ,they can't handle the heat…hehehe…,they were stunned by the scene of more than 15 black girls trying to skate ,but falling ALL THE TIME.. God… girls can be mean ,when some1 falls every1 kept laughing but my heart would skip a beat terrified that they broke their ribs ,,uhhh,,,I no they meant no harm, I'm just way to sensitive ,,I can't forget the american kid under the age of 2 who was learning to skate with his dad..(He was soo cute and soo brave))Made us ashamed of ourselves ,,,loll,,it didn't matter we still had a good time ,,and guess what..they are already planning to go there,,again,soon

Unfortunate accident
Yesterday while I was with my mum after getting back from visiting some relatives I came to find m car between 2 cars ,almost wanting to cry I mentioned to my mum that I failed at this position in my driving test ..I only got my license b/c of my dad's friend who helped me (like every1 else does around here, otherwise u won't ever get your license) anyways I'm an OK driver, I just suck at parking,,ukkh
Trying to get out of the worst alley I've ever seen, I ended up scratching some poor man's car. I still feel so guilty about it. What I really wanted to do was leave a note but my mum won't let me. she wanted us OUT of the scary alley and back to our home as soon as possible., I'm sooo crushed now ,cuz only yest my dad was talking about buying me a new car ,somehow I can't see this happening any time soonn..uhhhhhh

A TRIP TO HARGesia OR A WEDDING AT SAUDIA

2007-06-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

While we were sitting around for dinner, my dad casually asked me if I (MUST) take a summer course this yr,,and knowing my dad I instantly knew what he had in mind, but no I wanted it to hear him say it, acting clueless I said ,yes: I do, ,otherwise, I won't be able to graduate in time ..U know that dady(I call him dada or papa not aboo cuz I'm spoiled )loll!!!!!
Anyways my dad then explained how it would be nice to go to hargesia,since I've always nagged in their ears day and night about how badly I want to go and how I have no routs here and how I want to c matho ppl (light or dark) it makes no difference to me)) everywhere, I just love my color :-)
Therefore, my dad assumed I'll jump up and down and agree to the trip in a min or maybe feel more sad b/c I won't be able to go,,well,,I didn't have an of those feelings b/c by now I'm used to having the worst luck on this planet and lately I even refuse to get excited about things (if I ever got excited about anything, it's just not going to happen)from lil things like my friend's mum having an accident (just a thunder binder) the day we were suppose to go out and canceling on me 10 times before that for other reasons or something impo like not being able to go to my land b/c of my stupid summer course, I really thought about delaying it more than once,but the way I c it: I only have one yr left then I can work and make something of my self, I honestly can't handle staying here for another semester, I just can't!!!!!
Well, now my cousin (favorite cousin, I consider him like my own brother, I love his family dearly) is getting married in Saudi this summer, for a whole hour I was thinking about what I'm going to wear, how many dress I should take, my shoes,and makeup, and then my mum dropped a bomb shell on me saying it could be at the end of July, AT THE TIME OF MY FINALS,,!!!!!!
Ok.after freezing for a few mintz,I decided I knew the best way to go,I'll just forget about the wedding all together(bas normally I'll have 2 buy a few things …!!!!!))
It's just that I won't think about it 247,I'll live my life and when the time is near,I could almost guarantee(inshallah)) that it won't be at the time of my finals..just b/c I wasn't over floating with joy waiting for it to HAPPEN ;-)

A job offer

2007-06-10T03:02:00.000-07:00

My friend started working this summer at a small office where basically all u do is call ppl at tell them (stopppp using so much water and electricity))some ppl might hung up on u,others might call u names ,and rarely u might even find ppl who will listen to you and take interest in what you are saying. why I'm I talking about her job???,,well she asked me to work there as well,, its 8 hours a day and the pay check is not bad at all,,,,,
I'm really confused at the moment so I made this list of bros and cons
first of all::::
1_i will be able to pay the dentist (for taqwim )
2_ I will feel like I'm doing something useful with my life.
3_i will cut back on watching TV(I've wanted to do this forever, but it never seems to work))
4_i'll get to take the car,,,I just like to drive:-)
5_i might come out of my turtle shell and learn something new.

1_when my summer course starts I'll have to work 8 hours aday+4 hours at college.
2_it'll be super difficult to study for my quizzes and exams.
3_i have anemia …(need to explain)!!
4_we're doing ok,it's not that that soul purpose of working is money .
5_i'm lazy..:(

Ok..this list isn’t helping much ..I still duno what to do??!!

A POEM

2007-06-09T02:12:00.000-07:00

Unfulfilled memories, unspoken dreams
Lost in my own misery ...nothing is what it seems
My perfectly polished life is falling apart
Must keep the secrets inside my lonely heart
**********************************
Finding ways to escape is my new struggle
Lies and deception are in my vains
I'm not a stupid toy; I'm sick pf being juggled
By fake players, who can't even remember my name..
*****************************************
Desperately seeking approval, craving for attention
Not being heard, completely filled with tension
I wanted to scream, cry, and mention
That no one but you is worthy of my affection

Warning this poem is not about relationships ,even though it seems like it…plz give me ur feed back

FINALS ARE..oVeR...yayyyyyy

2007-06-07T01:00:00.000-07:00

2day was my Last exame for this semester. ..GOD....i'm really glad that it's over …uhhhh…it's crazy be4 entering the exam I was so sick 4 the whole day,went to the hospital at midnight..studiedtill 7:30..i was sick.sleepy..tired in every way,,but now that I have absolutely nothing to do,no where to go.i'm not sick any more and sleeping is that last thing on my mind…I'm actually considering going to college next week and hang with my friends who still have exams..uhh
What happened with me 2day was when I was about to hand my paper , my prof said every1 who gave me their paper got an F….I SWAER..I PANICKED AND FROZE..all I wanted was give her the paper and run for mylife ….but no ..She told me STOP..like she's talking to a girl in the kindergarten ,,,I was like what..!!!!! inshallah mo F2??…WALLAHII..i doubted myself…she checked the paper,saw that I did ok,,and basically told me,,u're free to go… after what..SHE RUINED MY DAY..IHYIHYIHY

BELONGING

2007-06-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to write this topic forever….always had it in my mind..Thought about it during my lectures… wrote a few notes on my book. Discussed it with my friends… but somehow I couldn't bring myself to actually grab a pen ((in my case keyboard) and start writing it down. it's hard for me to admit but deep down I'm terrified that I won't be able to express my thoughts or convey what I feel to the reader and the strangest feeling ever keeps haunting me (is maybe I don't have the right to talk about it ,b/c I should know more or care more or…… I'm really confused myself ,I don't want to cause a headache to everyone else***(sorry for the long introduction)))…….but my topic is about the sense of belonging ,that wonderful feeling that overcomes you for a minute(((I said a mint b/c since I don't live in my land I don't get that feeling very often) and to make you feel that you are a valuable member of a community, that you are needed, that u can speak up and voice your emotions to the world and no one can stop you ..Simply b/c you are at your home...your land. Your country.....
I'll have to admit now, that unfortunately, I've never had that feeling before…well maybe only at Somali gatherings every once and a while and even then I feel like a Cinderella ..till midnight I can have the best time ever, I can say whatever I want, I can sing,dance,i can be ME, just me ,I won't have to act polite with any1 I don't like..GOD..!!!i love how Somalis are honest about everything, REALLY, everything shows on their features ,,,and then when
the good time is over, when the sounds of music starts TO fade.. When the laughter of the crowd is no longer hearable, I have to back my bags and go back to my lonely room where I might be treated like a Cinderella by my parents but feel like the maid inside...
To say the least ,,I know I have a major identity crises and I change my mind on a daily((ok maybe weekly…NO monthly ))basis...UHH...i can't (MAKE UP MY MIND)on (HOW OFTEN I CHANGE MY MIND.).That can give you an idea on how I am….I've always heard people say that life is a journey. I've truly understood that recently. Indeed it is a journey,,, and we only one chance in this life to figure out who we are and make peace with the world. ….
(((This topic is far from over ,,I'll try to tackle it from a different way. Next time inshallah …..Till then…:-)

ME & MY DAD

2007-05-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

2day while I was dreaming of (((I can't remember but I sure felt like S!!!!T for waking up so it must've been a great1)my mum woke me up not screaming or anything but using that mums calm voice(for a disaster has just happened))so before I even processed what she said I got up wore my 3abaya and scarf and headed for the door, then I realized I can't find my car keys..((God. this has never happened BEFORE ...I know I'm messy and crazy but my keys r always in the same place …EXCEPT for 2day of course…my mum suggested to look in my bag((I wanted to yell I've already looked there but I was desperate so I looked again and guess what MY KEYS WERE THER..UHH I was obviously still sleepy so I didn’t look wellllll…I don't need this now... I'm in a hurry ..so in the mean time mum filled me about dads situation..(it turned out his car broke down and he wanted me to pick him up)))OF COURSE I don't mind helping my dad I'm not a demon child……..!!!!!!!!!!!but maybe if I had more time to sleep …the chances of me having an accident will diminish ...Anyways…I grabbed my phone and called my dad… after the fifth ring… feeling pissed..I wanted to screammmmm((dad r u loving standing in the burning sun,,,pick up the phonee)))by then I was sneezing like crazy,,, nd I was feeling dizzy and tired like I've never been ..nd I noticed my dads name did not appear in the caller's idée..n it turned out that this whole timee I've been calling some1 else ((sorry wallahii for walking u upp in the early morning ..me=very sorry)))sooo finally I got a hold of my dad and he showed where he was n all,,,nd b/c of the circumstance. my usually not very chatty dad was talking to me the whole time(((soo what do u think is wrong with the car..it's defiantly the ....or …..(he mentioned some weird names n I'm assuming that he's talking about the car noww….uhhhh)seriously what I'm suppose to say I'm not a freaking mechanic and I love u dad((but I don't give a damn about the stupid car ,,I just neeeeeeeed to go bak to bed)))so I did my best (which is nodding and answering him in every 2 minutes….uhhhhh..at last ..home ..sweet home..i reached my room and realized I can't sleep) now so normally I wouldn’t care but b/c I had an exam ..I neeeeeded to sleep to feel fresh (so guess wat I did))I forced myself to sleep. .literally nd woke up every 30 mintes. .then at some point I decided I can't study now,,,I'm screwed and the panicky feeling woke me upp…n INSTEAD OF STUDYING..I'M HERE..WRITTING THIS BLOGG…WHATTTTT…!!!!
CHA CHA....BA BYEEE EVERY1..I HAVE A LOT 2 DOOO…UKKKKKKK

SOMALILAND

2007-05-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

wowww..Somaliland party in kW was last week…the best party I've ever been to in ages…the party was held near hawally park in a really cool hall, extremely neat and big enough to hold the mix crowd. I was a bit late b/c I had to take my cousin who on a wimp decided not to come. And man. It took me forever to convince her to goo,not only that. But I was looking forward to attend that party. No way IN HELL..that I'm going to miss it cuz u had a stupid fight with one of u're close friends..who u'll make up with 2moro and I'll just sit here and die!!!!!!!!!!!!..i took matters in to my own hand,,nd didn’t give her time to argue..well ..the fact that she wanted to go BADLY didn't hurt of course…soo..where r we…yappp,,the party and me arriving late,,it didn't really matter every1 was already there and you can feel the eyes on you soo why I'm I complaining. I love ATTENTION!!!HEHEHE
I sat there with her and said hii to all her friends ,who seem sweet but not very friendly to strangers …uhh..whatever..like I care..i saw a couple of nice girls and my cousins were there as well .of course ..every1 I know was there….
God. ..even though I really don't listen to Somali music. I kept moving with the songs and I had to keep reminding myself..there r men infront on me.. ((me dancing in my scarF uhhhhh,,lets just say that it wasn't a pretty picture.)).at some point I turned to my cousin and said..if I kept on dancing can u slap me across the face..maybe then I'll wake up!!!
Uhhh what else..i really dunno wat else to say,the feeling of belonging and the deep love of mY country filled my heart..i was one of the few ppl who sang along will most of the songs..SOOO..it's MY LAND..WHY CAN'T I SING ..HA!!
Somaliland HANOLATO

Opposite attract. Maybe not!!

2007-05-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

2day I was discussing an interesting topic with my friend.:: what makes ppl become friends ,how does that happen…by chance…for a reason or.. by
determination(asking that person to be your friend))…dunno I haven’t done it thought but maybe other ppl have so I have 2 include it((weirdoos))!!!…
back to my topic,,,I found that am always looking for the same qualities that I have in ppl ,and It suddenly hit me… that is why I'm not making (or looking for)tons on friends, really!!!!!
And the shocking part is, I can sense my type ((loll, I'm not sure if I can say my type. I sound a bit boyish)) to explain more. The only ppl who I've gotten really close with r not very social, they r trust worthy. Trust worthy. I KNOW I'VE SAD IT TWICE..BUG OFF..!!!! even if they sound very open and friendly from the outside ,they have a lot to deal with in the inside, if u saw my girll ..(A)U WILL SWERA that she knows every single girl in her college. That's how friendly she is. but the only one who she lets inside, is myself…luv u girlllll…there's my other girllllll(you no who you r ..lolllll))),,.we have so much in common ,,,it's getting scary…!!!!!! Even our differences r not that big. Nothing I can't handle…heheheee..i always wonder if I had a sister close to my age. would I feel so attached to my friends. Or...is it normalllllll,,,,I need an answer.quick..God…..i think I have alot of soul searching to do ,,
but NOT noww after the finals:-(

A friend... OR A colleague

2007-05-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

As I might've mentioned be4 ,the life style enforced by parents doesn’t give me the chance to socialize and hang with my as friends as much as I want 2..also,I was never a big fan of the 12 girls group who say that they're ..(((best friends )but know nothing about each other ,,that’s why I was more than pleased by the few friends I had,, ,specially a particular girl who shares my name. but RECENTLY….
I'm staring to feel more and more confused each day. I hate being clueless. I need to be in control of my life or at least know where its headed….MY PROBLEM IS. I haven’t heard from my very close friend in a couple of weeks and I'm staring to get worried. .in her defense I could give u 10 thousand reasons why she cant keep in touch in the moment(((the finals r just around the corner + other reasons I wont dream on mentioning in my blog))…….that's not the real problem…I think for a while now I started to feel that our lives r very different. we hardly share the same interests anymore(((I really can't tell. Did she grew up real quick or I'm I a bit immature…)))I don't mind about all that,, ,I just like TO BE NEEDED…I completely understand about how logical ,rational ,,she is. but for some stupid reason I wish she could put that aside for a minute and agree to do something. Just b/c she missed me. not after everything else is in order and Finally she remembered she had a friend. .uhhh…THE NEW PROBLEM I'M FACING NOW is how can I tell the difference between a friend and a colleague…seriously that’s a big problem(((and don't give me the whole colleague first ,,later on a friend))!! What !!! I've known these girls 4 over a yr now and sometimes I feel THAT I',M totally and utterly LOST…the main thing 4 me now is that I don’t want to loose contact with sum of them.. specially ((…… n…..)I love how u can see their face changing when they see you, wanting to spend time with u just b/c of who you are and not b/c they want something of u(((I met 2 many blood suckers in my life ,I'm truly praying that they didn't scar me for life)…I genuinely feel that am at a crossroad now, I can either continue to be friendly or I could do more ,I could initiate plans to meet them somewhere(((I 've already done that with some of them)or maybe do something simple like call them first instead of following the stupid rule((I'll only call ,,,if u call me first)))what is this.. a Date..yukkkkkkkk……
IN ENGLISH (((I BELIEVE SHOULD MAKE AN EFFORT)).
At last I'm going to live my life trying to tone down the obsessive side of me(((is any1 buying that!!!)))I said I'll try. I'm not making any PROMISES…………..CAPISH!!!???!!

A day to remember

2007-05-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written anything in a couple of weeks. I was actually extremely busy. .no. maybe I should wipe that. I'm sooo lying. I wasn’t busy..i mean a few interesting things have happened. but that...uhhhhhhh sorry i will stop babbling now and I promise from now on i will start making sense.. ok..sooooooooo
First of all there was a cultural exhibition about Somalia that i wanted to go to badly ..nd 4 some reason i had this idea that i'll go there and i'll feel music in my heart and see the girls working there and start hugging each and ever1 of them 4 their amazing effort,, ,wellllllll guess again..it didn’t quiet go like that..actually it was the opposite i got a really cool parking space and was all excited to meet the people there and get to know them well..what happened was..i felt like a complete stranger from the minute i walked in(((ok i was a stranger they never saw me be4)but is it naive to expect any Somali girl to be friendly just b/c we share the nationally. .maybe. .u tell me!!!!
I started smiling to evey1 there and saying hiiii..salammm.. complimented their work(did i mention i'm really shy and i always try to fight that feeling) and I made a poor attempt to make small talk but they weren’t on the same planet that I was.,and even if they were they would've probably ignored me anyaways.. my PRIDE ..owchh
I said bye to the only girll i knew and drove back home ..man was i glad that I didn't let my dad drop me over there. I would've been stuck there4 hours...
The second incident was the forming of the very first student union in kw (for Somali students of course)...woww..sounds exciting right!!!..NO to me.IT WAS .aa auu. .!!!!I couldn’t care less about it..i just wanted to sleep and relax on the weekend but somehow my friends got me really excited and with the dress code rule that my dad inforced . .WHAT..I'M I 12!!I couldn’t wear any of my cool outfits so every1 i knew was defiantly going to dress up with make up and allll..mashallah and i will be the only weird chick with clothes that belong to the 17th century. .NOOOO THANKS
After I've already decided to stay at home. my friends kept calling..r u ..going..nooo..thatz a big deal .u should come..bla bla bla..so basically i got dragged there thinking i'll have the worst time ever. but guess what.....not only did i enjoy being there(((MUCH)but i'm seriously considering running 4 a position next yr...wowah...the atmosphere was quiet and great,. only students...boys included of course ..hehehe...i honestly felt like i matter. I wanted to scream i'm A Somali and proud>>>>>> i have rights and i will demand what i feel is mine ..it was a good day. .a day 2 remember....

Somali MATTERS

2007-04-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

(((be4 I start telling what happened with me 2day I will briefly say who Adbillahi yusef is::adbillahi is the ((president of Somalia)) who not only brought Ethiopia (somali's worst enemy to the country)but started a war that caused humdreds of injured civilians and an equal number of deaths. And any1 who supports him does so(sadly) for tribal reasons only and nothing else .sooo here we go………….
While I was getting ready to leave my college to attend a lecture in another building I noticed my friend*Fee *who always puts a smile on my face, not looking like her usual self and dragging her feet on the stairs disconnected from whatever is going on around here…..
Hey ((fee))I said: ..wuts up with u 2day???
Fee: nothing. .i'm ok..
Me: you're not ok. .what happened. .u know u can't hide anything from me.!.
Fee: it's just that my cousins were killed in the war in Mogadishu..!!!
Me:shocked..i'm sorry 7ayatiii….i feel terrible. did u know them…
Fee:no ..But I've been wondering who's going to support his family now..!!!
Me.: (suggesting.) .maybe his family should go to hargesia .(my hometown)or burco(her hometown)its safe there u know…
Fee: nodding her head..((still feeling sad…))
Me…I hope that this devil who calls himself president burns in hill
Her:and what. .Ethiopia is innocent??…is that what you're saying?
Me:of course not..but they were invited to Somalia ..Weren't they? He invited them…((feeling furious I decided to drop the subject)))I just told her it was his time and she should accept Allah's will but what I couldn’t add is after everything that he has done how could you support him. Don't u have eyes!!!! can't u see what's happening in Mogadishu now..?!!!
I'm through discussing Somali matters with girls my age...it infuriates me. how some pepole can be so blind and refuse to see the SAD..SAD..truth..but that’s it for me I'm done..if I heard another girl telling me that this is our president and we should respect him no matter what…I will explode. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

WAR

2007-04-12T02:12:00.000-07:00

The other day I was supposed to prep for a difficult exame. .so like I always do when I'm avoiding something I switched on the tv and for my surprise I saw nothing worth watching. I mean what happened ..its barely 9 pm..i cant start studying now. I needed a distraction..!!!!!When I finally gave up and wanted to leave a torture scene of a teen Vietnamese girl that caught my eye(((normally I don’t watch war or action movies .but hey I had an exam soooo So all of a sudden Everything on TV seemed great)) that movie was based on a true story about a little girl who worked her way up…and survived all the misfortune that took place in her life..the thing a about movie was somehow I could relate. I've never lived in a remotely close situation to what she faced but my country is going through a war now .and I can't do nothing about it…that makes feel very small.nd helpless in every way.ALSO, the mother in the movie reminded me of my own, her courage., the way she struggled in life and how she keeps on giving from heart and asks 4 nothing in return..MUM …I appreciate everything she'de done for me and I Will(inshalla)make her very proud..

Is It Only Me,,OR?!!!

2007-04-12T01:30:00.000-07:00

I often wonder how come every1 else my age knows exactly what they want of life. Who they are .. …and what is unique about them…..
Okk!!maybe not exactly ..but again ..i seriously doubt that there is anyone like me. I often think twice when I'm asked a simple question :.do u agree with ((a))or ((b))I start saying I agree with a and my friend can easily persuade me and I might end up saying b.(((I really wish I can stand my ground and utter my true opinion, but the real issue is ((what is that)).!!!! ohh..on a different occasion I could be stubborn and stick with one opinion that I don’t believe in out of spite ..
Growing up I was very sheltered by my parents. They were (still are)extremely protective and that showed clearly in my personality I became very dependant. .extremely .fragile and naive. I honestly believe that if I haven’t got in into college I would've probably been the same old grill who afraid of everything new and believes every1 she sees…
But NoW.Uhh don’t expect 2 mucch..i'm still a bit sensitive ..naive in some situations but like my best friend ((A)) always tells me ::at least now. I know when I'm being naive or overly sensitive and I try to change that one way or another. this small revelation didn’t come out of the blue but I've been stung by more than one snake who (now I thank very much)and showed that that being me won't help me survive ,,as a result of those experiences I became quiet bitter and sarcastic but I also came to appreciate ppl who have good qualities soo much more than I did before. now I try to find the good in people first but if that didn’t work I try to keep things to myself and act friendly((I'm not the nicest girl in the world with ppl I don’t like but I make a genuine effort to be that way) i know that I have so much to change in me be4 I can be the best I can be and I will keep my faith in Allah that this day will come soon..sooooner than I think(hopefully)

My Very First Blog

2007-04-06T03:23:00.001-07:00

wowwww...finally i took a positive step and did something that i've always wanted to do,,and since this is my first blog i think i ought to be introducing myself:i'm a somali girl ...living in the Arabian Gulf ..trying to find myplace in this world and hoping for the best>>>